Written by Jesus Budda
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Wednesday, 24 February 2010

image for Home experiments whilst naked #02 This is what'll happen if you don't get fully naked

Welcome.
I am Jesus Budda.

In this series I will be describing some experiments that you, the ordinary person reading this article right now, can do at home. Naked. View previous Experiment #01 here

All these experiments are 100% real.

The majority of them will not lead to death or illness.

I take no responsibility for any horrible mutilation that should occur.

With that crap out of the way, let us now enter the world of science fun.


Lesson #02 - The Cola Fountain of Doom

What you need:

- Bottle of Cola (2 Litres)
- Bottle of Water (2 Litres)
- Children's Paddling Pool (minus children or water)
- 2 X packets of Mento's sweets (mint flavour)
- A piece of cardboard (3 inches square)
- A Tube of Smarties (minus the sweets inside)
- A huge warehouse or alternatively you can do it outside
- Nudity
- Time and effort you are willing to waste

Now pay attention, blonde:
Make a decision: either you wanna get naked outside in the yard or if you are a rich bastard and own a warehouse or airplane hangar you can do it (ooo-er!) inside.

Inflate that inflatable paddling pool. Yeah, blow it real hard until it's almost about to explode.
Take off all your clothes. Yeah, thats it. Real slowly.

The first part of our experiment is designed to waste time and make this article a little bit longer.

Cut a square of cardboard about 3 inches in size. Take out your tube of Smarties. Eat them. I don't care if you don't like the blue ones, just do it! Now when you are finished just remove the little plastic caps at either end and toss them in your neighbours garden.

Whip out your packet of Mento's.

Put the bottle of water in the middle of the paddling pool and remove the cap. Place the piece of cardboard over the opening.

Fill the Smarties tube with the Mento's (they should fit - if they don't then you've just wasted your time and I am not going to aplogise for it).

Now place the tube on top of the cardboard, directly over the bottle's opening.
Slide out the cardboard and let the Mento's drop inside.

Fuck all happens.


Right, that was shit - and you've wasted the first packet of Mento's!
Let's move on to the spectacular stuff, ok?

Fuck that bottle of water into the neighbours garden and replace it with a nice new bottle of Coca Cola (or other brand that is fizzy and as delicious).

Place the cardboard over the bottles opening as before.

Fill up the Smarties tube with some more Mento's (from your second packet, unless you've eaten them, you fat bastard!)

Be warned that this will be VERY MESSY and SPECTACULAR IN THE EXTREME!

Be prepared to run away as fast as you can and then slide that strip of cardboard away quickly....as the cola squirts upwards several meter's and sprays everywhere!!!!

What just happened?

You just created a cola volcano that more than likely has drenched you, your cat, your dog and neighbours!

The Mento's are coated in tiny bumpy thingies that react with the cola inside the bottle to create this spectacular effect. As the Mento's sink they allow pressure to build up very rapidly. A huge amount of gas is built up that must erupt from the bottle opening like a Ron Jeremy ejaculation (or something).

WARNING

Do not attempt this experiment in a caravan while on holiday in a small Scottish village. Also, do not stuff your mouth full of Mento's and then wash it down with lots of Coca Cola....you may DIEeeeeeeeeeeee!
Probably.
Actually, yes, you will die or end up looking like a dickhead. A big, Coca Cola spurting dickhead.


I look forward to seeing you again for our next naked lesson...Experiment #03 - Measuring the Speed of Light With a Bar of Chocolate, a Microwave whilst Naked

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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