A number of publishers on freelance web forums have been requesting articles written on the topic of penis enlargement. As a social service to the readers of this website who we believe would have a vast need for such information we at Penile Dream Fulfillment are sending you this list of alternative forms for enhancing ones assets:
Technique #1- Have girlfriend sit in car.
Stand outside of car and have girlfriend hold tip of penis.
Have her slam car door on it.
She should then drive down the road at a speed of no slower than 20 miles and hour and no faster than 30.
After about 6 miles you should have an enlarged penis, depending of course upon your running ability and upon how hard she slammed the door.
# 2- Lie on floor.
Tie a sturdy string tightly to the ceiling fan.
Tie other end to your manhood.
Turn fan on low.
After the pain subsides turn fan to high.
Stay in this position until penis turns blue.
Repeat as necessary.
#3- Go scuba diving naked.
Attach one of the lead weights from the weight belt to your penis
By the end of the dive you will have an enlarged penis provided the fish were not too voracious.
#4- Go skydiving.
Attach one end of your penis to a thin rope that is fastened to the airplane.
Jump, but do not pull the ripcord right away. Let the plane drag you through the air until your penis is the desired length.
Cut the rope and thereafter pull the ripcord.
Remember to get the order of things right or it could turn out badly.
#5-Go water skiing.
Attach the boat's rope to your masculine pride.
Enjoy the water skiing as immensely as you can considering the circumstances.
After a certain point your penis will have reached a satisfactory length or you will have wiped out and caused it to be ripped off which would defeat the whole purpose of the original goal.
#6- When in an older style elevator hold your penis out until the first door closes trapping the penis.
Go up or down one floor.
Going more than one floor is not recommended unless you wish to join the freak show of a circus.
Repeat as often as necessary.
This is a fun thing to do when other people are riding the elevator. It amuses them immensely and gives them something to tell their friends about the rest of their lives.