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Tags: romans

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Leader: What did the Romans ever do for us?
Heckler 1: They took us to war
Heckler 2: Yeah the Romans were good at that
Heckler 3: war? surely you mean wars - Bosnia and Croatia
Heckler 2: no Bosnia, Croatia and Sierra Lione
Heckler 1: and that's not counting the illegal and unpopular wars in Iraq and Afganistan

Leader: ok well apart from wars and illegal wars, What did the Romans ever do for us
Heckler 4: Debt
Leader: Debt
Heckler 4: They trebled the national debt in 6 years. Now they are spending £3000 per person per year that they don't have.

Leader: alright, alright, well apart from wars and national debt, what did the Romans ever do for us?
Heckler 5: Theft
Leader: Theft?
Heckler 5: They raided our pension funds of £100 billion, more than twice as much as the combined pension deficits of the country's 350 biggest companies

Leader: ok then, but apart from wars, national debt and theft, what did the Romans ever do for us?
Heckler 6: Stupidity and financial mismanagement!
Leader: Stupidity and financial mismanagement?
Heckler 6: Yeah, they sold off half the National Gold Reserve at a quarter of its value

Leader: but moving forwards, apart from wars, national debt, theft, stupidity and financial mismanagement, what did the Romans ever do for us?
Heckler 7: budgeting!
Leader: budgeting?
Heckler 7: Doh!, they spent more money than they raised every single year for 12 years whilst claiming to have a balanced budget.

Leader: oh give it a rest. Apart from wars, national debt, theft, stupidity and financial mismanagement, budgetary incompetence, what did the Romans ever do for us?
Heckler 8: They created needless Unemployment
Leader: needless Unemployment?
Heckler 8: They sold the radio spectrum for so much money that it caused a severe recession in the telecoms industry, costing 30,000 UK jobs

Leader: well, other than wars, national debt, theft, stupidity and financial mismanagement, budgetary incompetence and (gasp) needless unemployment, what did the Romans ever do for us?

Heckler 8: well they nationalised Northern Rock, The Brad & Bing, and de-facto nationalised RBS, HBOS and LLoyds
Heckler 9: and they lied to Parliament and WMD and misled the people
Heckler 10: and they devalued the currency
Heckler 11: and they shrunk the economy by 6% in a year

Leader: So, apart from wars, illegal wars, national debt, theft, stupidity, financial mismanagement, budgetary incompetence, needless unemployment, nationalisating the banks, lying to Parliament, misleading the people, devaluing the current, shrinking the economy, what else did the Romans ever do for us?

----1 ONS report National debt in 2002 as 29% of GDP. More recently, the Centre for Policy Studies calculate that the national debt at end of 2008 is actually £1,340 billion, or 103.5% of GDP.
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Gold Price GB sold 400 tons, 60% of the UK reserve, at a historic low price, now called the Brown Bottom, at an average price of $275/oz. The current price is over $1100/oz
----
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chancellorship_of_Gordon_Brown
Under Brown the telecoms radio spectrum auctions gathered £22.5 billion for the government, by using a system of sealed bids and only selling a restricted number of licenses, they extracted the high prices from the telecom operators. The German government at this time applied a similar auction, and these together contributed to a severe recession in the telecoms development industry (2001 Telecoms crash) in Europe with the loss of 100,000 jobs across Europe, 30,000 of those in the UK.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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