Written by matwil
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 17 January 2010

image for England's official 2010 World Cup song to be by The Lightning Seeds They think it's all over for England. It will be again

The FA today changed its mind and decided that England would have a World Cup song to take people's minds off their inevitable failure at winning that competition. This is it:

'Three Lions'

'[spoken]
Alan Hansen: I think all these foreign players dominating English clubs is bad for our game
Trevor Brooking: We're just not good enough, we only won in sixty-six by a fix

It won't come home
It won't come home
It won't
The Cup won't come home

[spoken]
Jimmy Hill: We'll go on losing semis, losing semis, losing semis on penalties

It won't come home
It won't come home
It won't
The Cup won't come home

Everyone seems to know the score
They've seen it all before
They just know
They're so sure

That England's gonna
Lose in a semi
To Germany
Or Italy, so

England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it

So many jokes, so many jeers
And xenophobic fears
And hooligans too
Mean more tear gas tears

But I still see that linesman
Ignoring the ball
And when it was given
We thought we were tall

England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it

[spoken]
John Motson: England have bottled it once more in extra time!
David Coleman: What an embarrassment! Steven Gerrard is in every way

So many Scots want us to lose
And Irish and Welsh too
They all get out the booze
And hope we're beaten

But when Jim Baxter made us
Look like sad fools
In sixty-seven
It was seen that -

England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it

England can't win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty years of lies
We are bored with it

They're coming home
They're coming home
They're coming home early again

They're coming home
They're coming home
They're coming home early again'

(Words and music by 50 million delusional English fans; hype by the BBC and ITV; winning by Germany, France, Brazil or Argentina; handiwork by Diego Maradona)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

54 readers are online right now!

Go to top