Susan Boyle, runner up in the UK Britain's Got Talent banking division of the Syco corporation, has announced a new range of items being marketed under the SuBo brand name.
Available from tomorrow, the range includes some vital items for today's modern woman, including:
SuBo Tights - a range of patterned support stockings
SuBo Pinny - a brightly coloured pinafore for cooking those dreadful meals thought up by celebrity chefs long past their cook-by date
SuBo Bag - a day-glo colostomy bag for those with digestive problems
The SuBo Phone - available on contract or pay-as-you-wrongly-dial, this phone with extra large buttons is most suitable for those who lack the manual dexterity to use a normal phone. It also doesn't confuse the elderly as it only makes and receives calls, thus eliminating those confusing text, internet and camera problems often associated with iPhones and other gimmicks.
SuBo Remote - a brand new remote control, for the television, also with a big button. This revolutionary remote control's button, when pressed, immediately turns the television on to a Simon Cowell programme. It also features a red button to enable direct voting via a special premium line phone number.
For further information, log onto www.subosycocon.com