Written by susan allen-rosario
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Wednesday, 6 January 2010

I should have known better, but she put on a good speal and I bought in. Apparently all my problems could be fixed if I were to get all my energy points in alignment. Stress and tension would vanish and I would be able to see clearly through my third eye. After the first lesson the only stress I had was from the thought of going back…

It was Tai Chi and I had seen it in action when my son participated in a martial arts contest in San Francisco. The movements looked smooth and easy, peaceful. Little did I know, they had to be preformed while standing on one toe. I felt like I was going to die.

Everyone in the class (but me) appeared well versed in the art of toe balancing and following directions. They all spoke in a language foreign to me that consisted of grunts and yells. There was some chest pounding and bowing, but I got that. I found myself facing the wrong direction on several occasions, which was totally embarrassing. I know I am terrible at following directions, but I had to try. I was part of the GROUP.

After missing several lessons, a member of the GROUP called and left a message that the instructor wanted to speak with me. As a person who is readily disabled by any number of things real or imagined, I began to think of all the reasons why I was never going back to class. 1. I have nothing to wear that goes with torture. 2. My neighbor says this is a cult and the thought of joining a cult on purpose or by accident has terrified me since the Jones Town incident. 3.My third eye needs glasses. 4. The class is on Tuesdays and I no longer do Tuesdays, I go straight to Wednesday. 5. I fell off a ladder and will have to be in a full body cast for the next 12 months, and last but not least… my scalp hurts...

The whole thing comes down to this. I don't do GROUPS! I like people, but just one at a time on a very limited basis and I know that people who do GROUPS will never understand those of us who can't, so why bother explaining? I still want to do Tai Chi so I bought a video. The guy on the cover looks kind of hot, but don't tell my husband I said so…

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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