Hawaii - The news that came out, upon the news wires
reported word of Rush Limbaugh, word that was most dire
Rush Limbaugh the radio jockey whiles on his holiday rest,
Was admitted to the hospital with pains of the chest
Verbose and Grinchy on his daily radio show
But he held unhealthy secrets that most didn't know
It wasn't a lack of brain that made him a thug
nor was his secret addition to prescription drugs
No, the big thing about him that set him apart
Was a shrunken state of his manhood and heart
The first he tried fix with his love of the pill
The other he knew not, as he'd learn not to feel
But Rush, Coming down off his ivory radio tower,
hoped tropical flavors would cleanse his bile most sour
For the years its tastes had filled his large mouth
His only escape was the Hawaiian islands far south
There he met real people, not bombastic callers
People of mental heft, not intellectual trawlers
People who bathed there days in warm tropical sunlight
Some were liberals, some moderate, even some not white!
And what happened then? Well in Hawaii they say
that Rush's small heart grew three sizes that day
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He changed his show into a beacon of light.
"We may disagree, but I'm open to debate"
Said Rush Limbaugh, feeling hopeful and great
"Let's go to the phones, our next caller is Jay,
You claim you're a liberal, what have you to say?"