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Friday, 1 January 2010

Here is part of a script I have written called:

The Course of Human Events

Written by: Terry Blount

[News report on tv]

Reporter: The Internal Revenue Service released their annual reports today and for the third consecutive year the taxes collected have declined to all time low of just over 1 trillion dollars.

Meanwhile, congress is voting tomorrow to raise the national debt ceiling again.

Let's go to our panel of experts:

Expert #1: Congress keeps raising the national debt limit. Now it's over 12 trillion dollars. The world economy is rapidly losing faith in the ability that America can pay off that debt. The dollar is growing weaker and weaker on the international market causing inflation to spiral out of control.

Expert #2: I have to agree, Congress just keeps writing bad checks, printing worthless money, selling our national reserves. Our debt is maxed out. We are running out of places to get credit, it's costing more for oil and essential goods. Our monetary situation is critical.

Expert #1: Indeed, it's a critical situation. Top ranked members of congress are scheduled to hold a meeting with the heads of the IRS and the Federal Reserve later today. It would be interesting to see what comes out of that meeting.

Expert #2: For sure, it will be a major wakeup call.

[Cut to the meeting with top Congress members and department heads of all major branches of the government.]

Vice President of the United States: [Gavel down.] Thank you, ladies and gentlemen for attending this hearing. At this time we will yield the floor to Senatory Deep Pockets.

Senator: Thank you Mr. Vice President. We are here today to look for a fresh solution to this budget crisis. At this time we would like to call upon the director of the IRS to give a brief report.

IRS Director: Thank you senator Deep Pockets, as you know, revenues collected from citizens have fallen to an all time low of about 1 trillion dollars. Because of high unemployment and reduced wages, income taxes collected are less than half from the nations all time high, just 2 years ago.

Senator: Director, as you know we have an annual budget of 4 trillion dollars, we have raised taxes several times and still your department can't collect enough revenue to cover even 1/4 the budget. Why not?

Director: With due respect Senator, I have nothing to do with government spending, I can only try as best we can to collect the taxes you have authorized. I assure you that we are as vigilant as ever. We vigorously pursue every dollar we can legally collect.

Senator: Why has revenue from income taxes declined so sharply over a few short years?

Director: As you know, much of our population has fallen below the poverty line. According to recent statistics, over 1/3 of the middle class is now below the poverty line. American workers just aren't making enough money to support the government although their income taxes have been raised to almost 50%.

Senator: You are telling us that we are taking half of workers incomes and still we are only collecting a trillion dollars a year? How can that be?

Director: Like I have reported, the jobless rate is at an all time high. Although statistics report the jobless rate is around 15%, the reality is that over 1/4 of the population is unemployed. In Detroit the unemployment rate is 50%.

Senator: You are saying that 1 out of every 4 workers are unemployed and not paying any income taxes?

Director: Exactly, and to make matters worse, the displaces workers have signed up for various governmental welfare programs which has compounded the budget problems.

Senator: It just doesn't appear that many people are unemployed. The interstates are full of commuters going to work every morning. Trucks are moving freight at near an all time high. It appears people are working.

Director: Yes, but their reported incomes are less than half from just 3 years ago.

Senator: So they are cheating on their income taxes.

Director: You might say that.

Senator: Why aren't you prosecuting the cheaters and setting some examples.

Director: We can't.

Senator: Why not?

Director: Because the workers have bought into an untaxable system of tender.

Senator: What do you mean?

Director: Basically the workers are working for very low wages and taking these Love Points as a bonus.

Senator: Love points? What the hell is that?

Director: It started out like a joke on the internet. When a person signed up they would be instantly credited a million of these love points. Husbands and wives would use them to reward each other, the younger audience started using them to exchange video games and as medium of currency for other personal items. It's like the PayPal online service but it's not "money."

Senator: Why do they call them "love points?"

Director: The guy who set it up took that from the lyrics in the Beatles song, "Money can't buy me love."

As the lyrics say, money can't buy love, the points are not interchangeable with any hard currency. You simply can't buy them. They have no value other than the perceived value, same as the paper dollar has no real value other than the faith that commerce throughout the world has in it.

Senator: How does someone go about getting these imaginary points to start with?

Director: It's interesting, the guy who started this system based it on the Preamble of the Constitution of the Untied States.

Senator: Please explain.

Director: As the constitution says:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights"

Senator: Yes, we know, and it goes on to say that among them are life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. How does this relate to the Love Point system of currency?

Director: The guy simply extended the list of things "among" those you have listed to include that a person is "endowed by their Creator" to be born with a million "merits" which are expressed as Love Points.

Senator: So, people are using these love points as an alternative currency.

Director: Exactly, much like most third world countries uses the U.S. Dollar as a shadow currency. For example, in Mexico, businesses and citizens frequently use the Dollar as an alternative currency to their Paso. In the United States there is no alternative currency.

Senator: Yes we have laws that have been used several times to prevent an alternative currency from being exchanged as legal tender.

Director: Yes, but there is no regulation for something imaginary, that is NOT interchangeable with any legal tender anywhere.

Senator: And people are using these love points in lieu of income?

Director: Yes, when a person comes into the system they are given (or born with) a million credits. If for example an 18 year old kid wants to spend all his credits for a house and someone with a house wants the kid's credits, they make the exchange. The home owner reports that he gave (or donated) his personal property to the kid.

Senator: So the kid is bankrupt.

Director: Yes, but say the kid takes a job at an automobile mechanic shop and he agrees to work for minimum wages plus a bonus of 10 love points per hour. When the guy who sold him the house comes in for car repairs he will use his Love points and pay only a fraction of the bill in hard currency. The kid will begin to recover his points.

Every service oriented business now exchanges these imaginary love points and uses hard currency less and less.

Senator: Where is the good faith in such a system that makes it work?

Director: Well, this system is unlike our monitory system where we just print paper money and spend it, this system is firmly grounded in SWEAT and hard work. They don't create points like we print worthless paper money.

Senator: Tell me again how could this system expand so that it could be used across the entire service sector of our society?

Director: As I have said, a person is born with credits, when they sign up they are given their points.

Senator: Like a monopoly game starts out by giving all the players money?

Director: Exactly, except there is no banker or Federal Reserve to pump credits into the system and corrupt it and there is no "credit" system. If you run out of love points you'll just have to earn some more unless you can find individuals to loan them to you.

Senator: We have destroyed our enemies in the past by counterfeiting their currency and flooding the markets with their notes, why don't we just do a similar thing and make these love points worthless and it will go away.

Director: Senator, I have no knowledge of such illegal activities. There are many people at this meeting from various governmental agencies, many with limited security clearance. It may not be wise to discuss what military actions may or may not have been used in a time of war.

Senator: Umm, I would like to make a move the previous remarks be stricken from the records of this meeting.

Many Voices: Second that motion.

Senator: Again, director, can't we just sign up millions of fictitious members and disrupt the system, cause it to fail?

Director: The FBI tried that. Perhaps you should address them for details.

Senator: Sure, Mr. Crawford, could you please answer.

Jack: Thank you Senator Deep Pockets. When this came to our attention in it's earlier stages we attempted to use your suggestion to make this thing go away. We signed up a few thousand fictitious people but then they started using social security numbers for verification. We tried to use fake ones but they used sources that are available to every employer to verify the validity of a social security number of a new employees. We haven't found a way to defeat their security system without destroying our own social security accounting system, which is also the basis for collecting income taxes.

Senator: Can't we just charge this guy with something and pick him up and shut down the system?

Jack: We have considered that but it's not that simple.

Senator: Why not?

Jack: Because it's internet based and try as we might, our laws pretty much stop at our shores. The guy has the system backed up in at least a dozen offshore locations. Should we pick him up, the system would continue to operate, much like offshore gambling websites operate beyond the scope of our laws. We can make it difficult, even arrest him and charge him with something but we think that would be a bad idea since it would bring more attention and credibility to this system. If the illegal drug industry adopted it they wouldn't need to laundry cash. Terrorist and criminal organizations wouldn't leave the "money trails" that has lead authorities to identify and monitor their activities.

Senator: Doesn't anyone here have any ideas of how to deal with this? [Turns to other members at the meeting.] Federal Reserve, do you guys have any ideas?

[Ben, from the Federal Reserve takes the mike.]

Ben: Thank you Senator Deep Pockets, we have been working on this problem for over two years. It's extremely complicated for the reasons that have already been outlined. The only weakness or flaw in the system is that it is primarily limited to the service sector. Someone can have a million Love Points but they can't buy a can of beans with them. State and local governments are not effected by this system like the Federal Government is because their revenue comes from retail sales taxes collected on hard goods. The IRS has only a small source of revenue from the luxury taxes.

Senator: That is the reason this entire Love point system hasn't totally taken over?

Ben: Yes, if you take a job that pays $1,200 per week, you still need about half of your wages in dollars in order to buy food, pay for utilities and purchase other retail products. You can take the other half in the imaginary love point system and use them to trade for services. At the end of the year instead of paying about 14 thousand dollars in taxes you would only pay around 4 thousand, reducing your federal income taxes by 10 thousand dollars.

Senator: So the income tax system has failed. That's what I'm hearing here today.

IRS Director: Yes Senator.

Senator: Ben, you are recommending that a flat sales replace the income tax method of collecting revenue to run the federal government?

Ben: Senator, that's the only solution that has any hope making an "end run" around this problem so we can once again collect the revenue needed to finance the federal government.

Senator: I suppose that's what we'll have to do then.

Ben: Good luck in passing a flat sales tax.

Senator: Why do you say that?

Ben: The flat tax proposal has been around for many years but your fellow congressman have never allowed the proposals to be considered for a vote.

Senator: Yeah, I remember the flat tax discussions, why were the proposals always blocked.

Ben: Because the most wealthy citizens will be hit the hardest and they are the contributors that finance political campaigns.

Senator: Under the income tax structure the wealthy pay millions in taxes.

Ben: Yes, but they are allowed hundreds of exemptions, although they pay millions, they pay about half the PERCENTAGE of their incomes as the poor and middle class. It would be a HUGE tax increase for the wealthy should they have to pay the same share when they pay sales taxes on planes, trains and automobiles.

Senator: Perhaps they would not spend so much money and avoid paying the sales taxes.

Ben: The proponents of the flat sales tax HOPE that's what they will do.

Senator: Why?

Ben: Because billions and billions of dollars will be on deposit in Banks, available for loans to citizens and businesses at much lower rates.

Senator: That doesn't sound like a problem, it sounds like a solution to the banking problems.

Ben: Still you don't have the votes necessary to abolish income tax and establish a flat sales tax.

Senator: We'll just have to convey the gravity of the situation and twist some arms and get it done.

[Senator recognizes DEA agent.]

DEA: Thank you senator Deep Pockets, we would like to point out that illegal drug trade combined with other illegal activities such as prostitution and gambling is a trillion dollar industry that has never paid income tax. Shifting to a flat sales tax would force this industry to pay taxes when drug dealers, pimps and kingpins spend their profits.

Senator: Thank you. Anyone else have suggestions? Yes, the chair recognizes the Department of Immigration.

Immigration: Thank you senator, there are at least 25 million illegal immigrants working in the US that do not pay income tax. A flat sales tax would also tax their profits.

Senator: We should have established a flat tax a long time ago.


[News reporter.]

Reporter: In a surprise, unprecedented vote in congress today, the federal government has appealed the 16th amendment and adopted an amendment to base the collection of revenue to support the federal government on a flat sales tax.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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