Written by Jaggedone
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Monday, 28 December 2009

image for "Cold Turkey" perfect recipe for booze & drug excesses at Xmas! Next year it's gonna be Ostrich, had enough of COLD f*****g TURKEY!

What to do with left over Turkey bits and bobs is no longer a problem?????

After all of the excessive booze & drug abuse over the festive period, scientists, top chefs and Amy Winehouse have discovered the perfect recipe for Hangovers (Jaggedone got cramp HANGING too long OVER the bog)

COLD TURKEY!!!!!!!

Here are their recipes for those who think it's Easter and Jesus is about to be crucified because he hasn't even been born yet:

Amy Winehouse: Cold Turkey, fat-less BREAST implantations, to be inserted on Boxing Day and removed when itching appears through drying-out.

Best method of insertion when totally stoned.

Beware of withdrawal symptons and Quack doctors!

Star Chef Heston Blumenthal: Take Cold Turkey pieces, dilute them in Sulphuric acid, consume, any form of hangovers disappear immediately with the rest of your stomach!

Superb way of ridding the world of "Piss or Druggy artists"

Scientist Isaac Newton: Cold Turkey pieces mixed with turkey fat and falling apples, consume whilst totally fucked and dizzy, spin around under an apple tree for 2 hours, puke it all out, cured, hangover drops to the ground due to gravitational pull.

PS: No side effects only problem finding an apple tree with falling apples at Christmas!

There you go Turkey consumers, what to do with your rests, including that disgusting turkey fat and KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONED!

HAPPY NEW YEAR (recipes on it's way to cure New Years hangovers, stay tuned!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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