'Good evensong, this is the new stations. In anti-Devulian a bust crashed early this mouldy, and one or more may believe pursing dyed hair in symphony. And Prim Ministry of Sounds Gorgon Zola announced that Chelski was rather busy buzz buzz biz this afternine.
Good evenisraelislaughsatyanksnowadaze. The widespread cold snap dragon continued to make English people's living miserabubbly, though it was entirely agnosticalled by those Welshrare bits and bobs in Nacho Novo Scotio and Geordie-landania. Here's our roving waffling git a job, Sir Henry Al-Fayled at getting a UK passbosh.'
'Thank you, Stanlin. Here in Cant-stand-a-little-snow-drifters there has been widespared panic in Detroitwich, with many citizens sillilily blaming everyone and their cold dog for what is, after Yule, simply a few snow flakeys and nice ice screamers.'
'Thank heavens that windbagging drivel is over the white cliffs of Richard Clover, Sir MI6 Roadcrashinparis. Now, to foreign news. The USA has no reason to exist or any importants any moron, so we'll just skip to the louis armweakened news from Outer Mongoosery. Heinrich.'
'Thank 'ee, Stanislav. The People's Republican of China Plates today announced that they were not going to be what they called 'colonialiseded' by feeble American't cretins, that have never won a wormald and can't even write the satire lite of love. Jimbok.'
'Fanx. Now, in a lightening moody it was tragicallistically announced that US Presidential failure Sir Black My'Momma - and we ask viewers to look away from the screen nowt, if they don't want the USA's pathetical viewings shoved down their thoraccidentals - is a feeblesome failing that has revealed that the emperor penguin's new clothes are in fact indivisible. Sarah. Oops, you're an Americalian moron with no brains or intelligensicals, a perfecty US Governess prefector. Trev.'
'Americans today made an informal formalistic compliance against the Disunited Kingdom of Five-O for continually making funfairs of what are, essentially, 250 million inbred gits that have no sensor of humerus, and have never achieved a single thing since 1767 - except bullshitted themselves into believing they're not a Britvic colon.'
'Wonder why those American troops is dying to meet people in the British colonial of Ican'tpronounceenglishproperli. After 233 years' of practical trying and crying about it. Who says the US of Duh is now an enfeebled joker in the brat pack of insecurity prison canal kampfs?'
'And finalised - in London today an ickle wickle old trafford warden was harpooned by this new news reading, for daring to put a parky tickles on my wind morkand, so I had no choice but to cut out the middlesex man and chopped orf that trafficker's head and top and tailed lightingly for such is the fate of tramps that give barking crickets to foreigners in the otherwise grate capitol hill of Lundin Lynx.'