Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 24 December 2009

The Manchester Evening News Arena rocked last night like it's never rocked before. Ever.

Peter Kay, the 1999 Treble winning United team, Take That?

Forget it. Forget all of it.

The Bonkettes blew this city apart, making Freddie And The Dreamers appear like nothing more than a distant memory.

From the off they were smokin'

With guests Ronnie Wood on guitar and Stewart Copeland of the Police guesting on drums BJ Swallow erupted on stage as every man in the room salivated, and in many cases hurled soiled underpants at the stage.

She opened the act with a stunning version of The Faeces (thanks for that one QM) classic "Play With Me"

As usual, Ronnie Woods' guitar playing was infinitely superior to his life choices. And Copeland was suspected only once of mouthing "Sting is a right twat," into camera.

With BJ Spit and BJ Swallow on top form, the band twisted the night away and even diehard Oasis fans couldn't look back in anger.

The whole place was leaping and rocking in the aisles.

And then Slade appeared.

The whole shebang then instantly launched into the most rousing version of 'Merry Christmas Everybody ' ever heard.

Even Shane McGowan, the beery headed ex Pogues singer, and performer of probably the world's best ever Christmas song -'Fairy Tale Of New York' rose to his feet (but only just) in appreciation.

Speaking after the show, Bonkettes lead singer BJ Swallow, told us, as she sensuously sipped a pint of radioctive waste in that strangely shaped hotel where Phil Neville lives, near Deansgate station:

"It were dead good that. Yeah, we all had a right laugh tonight. Apart from Dave Hill out of Slade's haircut. I mean, WTF is going on with that?"

Bolton funny man Peter Kay could only ask:

"What you asking me for? I haven't got a sodding clue! I've gorra go. IT'S SPITTIN'!"

Shane McGowan was too pissed to talk.

More Bonkette bollocks as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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