Written by Rob Barratt
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Friday, 18 December 2009

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Lily Allen has recorded a special Christmas version of her recent single, "The Fear". Here is an exclusive preview of the lyric. Feel free to sing this at your Christmas party.

Lily Allen Christmas (to the tune of "The Fear")

I want some mince pies and I want lots of presents
I don't want a turkey 'cos I want a pheasant

I want lots of cards and a big sprig of holly
And I hope Father Christmas is big, fat and jolly

'Cos Christmas is coming. Can you hear a sleighbell?
I don't want a jumper from my Auntie Mabel

There's snow on the telly and there's snow upon Dartmoor
If I eat all those sprouts, I know I'm going to fart more

CHORUS

And I don't know if I can eat any more
And I can't get through all these sweets anymore…or…..or…ooor
I'm glad this only happens only once a year
'Cos Santa Claus has drunk all the beer….eer….eer…eeeeer


I've been eating my stuffing and tagliatelle
I'd better be careful or I could start getting smelly

I've eaten a boxful of Milk Tray and Snickers
And I'm very concerned what it could do to my knickers

I'll play with my X-Box and I'll fight with my sister
The boy from next door, he just came round and kissed her

He's in for a shock in a day or two mind you
'Cos he doesn't know that she's got the swine flu

CHORUS

So bring me my pudding and best make it snappy
But I suppose that we should make others happy

So I'll clean up the house and I'll do all the dishes
It wasn't on my list of my Christmas wishes

I'll help my old dad and I'll help my old mother
And I'll try to be nice to my horrible brother

I want peace and love for all the world's nations
For my uncles and aunties and all my relations

CHORUS

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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