LAS VEGAS - Holy Sand Trap Batman! The good-looking gals are literally coming out of the "Woodwork!"
I have a suggestion for Mr. Eldrick Tont Woods. Once all of this blows over, pardon the pun. And you pay out millions of dollars to women, attorneys, public relations firms, damage control experts, marriage counselors, sex therapists, and crystal ball readers, I highly advise that you go into politics.
My goodness man you will get hundreds of votes, just from the women that you've "putted" around with. And that is not counting the wannabe groupies, the gallery babes, the fairway fanettes, the golf cart dolls, the putting green wedgettes, the hole-in-one lasses, and the infamous sand trap vixens.
I'll bet that right now you have enough votes from the Tigress Fan Club alone to get elected governor of the great left coast state of Cali'fore'nia.
And think about this future Governor Woods. Hey it does have a nice ring to it huh. Once you get into office and are sitting in the Governor's Mansion in Sacramento, you can sit down and write out a personal check for say $500 million to the financially strapped state of California at a reasonable interest amount and everyone, everyone will forget about any indiscretions you may have had.
Governor Eldrick Tont Woods. Yes sir, and who knows "Tiggy" maybe one day down the road when you have hung up your putter, pardon the pun again, you and your lovely Swedish wife Elin may find yourselves sitting in that great big beautiful house they call The White House...President Tiger Woods.
Hey, the name alone is enough to strike the fear of God into them Taliban and Al Qaeda operatives.
So Mr. Tiger, just be nice. Don't try to pull no fast ones. Smile. Don't act all arrogant. Don't be sarcastic. Give Larry King and Anderson Cooper the interviews that they want so bad they can literally taste them.
And most of all, do not forget to say that you love your wife. You love America, and golf, and Kevin Skinner, and apple pie, and American women...ah no maybe you should leave out American women; oops! Too late. Oh well. Mayor Eldrick Tont Woods doesn't sound too bad either.
So, in closing. Tiger keep your chin up, your smile on your face, and your "Putter" in your pants.
In other news. Sorry, there is no other news, it is all, every bit of it, about "El Tigre de Madera" (Tiger Woods).