Joyce, you thunderous god-like beauty!
Daughter of your sister's Mum;
Every day I find you working,
In the midst of Tesco's hum!
Thy enchantments bind together,
What did customers' surge divide,
Beggars stealing Tennent's super,
Will your matronly charms abide.
You embrace a million shoppers!
Oh take my kiss wondrous old girl!
Eagle-eyed attendant shepherd,
Keep your checkout tills a-whirl.
A guiding smile, never nervous,
Immaculate fag kiosk - no mean feat;
No cross words at Customer Service,
Butcher's counter filled with meat!
Yes diminutive voluptuous kitten,
This Tesco store you've made your own!
Though years junior dizzily smitten,
I smashed a case of Côtes du Rhône!
Joyce your mercy proves eternal,
Tough love remembered evermore!
Though at first your wrath infernal,
Cleaner called to mop the floor.
With the restoring of order,
Smile returned to soft brown eyes;
Guidance from my favourite warder,
Be watchful with cumbrous supplies.
- Best sung to the final movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony
- Joyce is entirely ficticious and this ode is not a reference to any employee of Tesco, Asda, Lidl or any other supermarket, shop or flea market; and any resemblance to actual persons living, dead, undead or otherwise is entirely coincidental.
- I'm not in love with Joyce
- I'm over Joyce