Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Monday, 9 November 2009

image for Dr. Phil Blames 40 Years of Sesame Street's Cookie Monster for Kid Obesity "I've known the Cookie Monster since I was a tadpole. And not once did he ever offer me a cookie."

"You do realize that some critics hold you solely responsible for the current epidemic of obesity in American children today," said Dr. Phil as he spoke with Sesame Street's 'Cookie Monster'. "Now I wouldn't go that far as to blame just you. Diet and heredity has a lot to do with kids gaining weight, too, But, and that's a big but, no pun intended, I do hold your eating disorder and obsession with cookies in particular partially responsible. After all you have been on TV for 40 years influencing and shaping young minds."

Dr. Phil then went on to show a montage of video footage of The Cookie Monster eating cookies throughout the years, while on Sesame Street. Including a few PSA spots the Cookie Monster did, trying to reverse the negative impact he had on children's diets and improve his own health as well. That is before he fell off the wagon. Returning to eating disorder and obsession with cookies.

Dr. Phil then paused the video.

"Now here is what I'm talking about when I say eating disorder," said Dr. Phil. "You're not even eating those cookies, you're just wolfing those suckers down your throat. In fact, most of them are not even being eaten. They're just ending up as crumbs on the floor. Yet you continue to eat like there is no tomorrow. And guess what today is? Tomorrow. Aand yesterday is over. I'm going to help you Cookie Monster. I'm going help you from you."

Dr. Phil then handed the Cookie Monster with a copy of his latest diet book, "How to Stop Your Inner Child from Raiding the Cookie Jar".

"For me?" asked the Cookie Monster, as he held it in front of him examining it closely. "No one ever gave book to Cookie Monster, only cookies and letters from alphabet. Never words all together in book."

"Yes," said Dr. Phil. "It is all for you."

"Too bad Cookie Monster never learned how to read in over 40 years on show," said the Cookie Monster as he began to sniff the book. "Otherwise, Cookie Monster would sit down in front of fireplace and snuggle up with book and milk and cookies."

"My God," said Dr. Phil. "You mean to say you're illiterate too?"

"What mean the word you say, illiterate?" said the Cookie Monster as he began to rip the pages out of the book and eat them.

"Never mind that," said Dr. Phil as he reached over trying to take away the book from the Cookie Monster. "Stop eating my book. You stupid beast!"

"You just like the rest on Sesame Street," said the Cookie Monster, while continuing to eat pages from Dr. Phil's diet book. "They never teach Cookie Monster how to read. That make Cookie Monster nervous. And when Cookie Monster gets nervous. Cookie Monster needs to eat cookies!"

As Dr. Phil got up to chase the Cookie Monster around the studio, the Cookie Monster would momentarily pause pointing to signs asking what they meant.

"What that sign say?" asked the Cookie Monster of himself staring at an applause sign. "Cooke Monster don't know. That make Cookie Monster nervous. So Cookie Monster eat another cookie!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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