Written by Helen Tarnation
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Friday, 30 October 2009

LONDON -- Officials of the Filth Association (FA) have announced a strategic partnership with the Dirt Association (DA), according to a joint press release.

The Filth Association is Britain's largest representative of organic farmers and organic food retailers, famous around the world for the slogan, "The Fittest Food is Found in Filth".

The Dirt Association is less well-known, but the group campaigns on behalf of online purveyors of pornography. It also promotes the right to freedom of speech -- although online pornography is not noted for speech content, or even spelling. The motto of the DA is, "If It's Dirty, We Sell It".

The two associations found common ground amid dwindling financial returns, and a common theme.

"Let's face the facts", said Lord Belchett, Minister of Parliament and spokesman for the FA. "Nobody eats dirt, but organic marketing is all about dirt. We know that dirt sells. Selling dirt on the internet is the obvious all-natural trend."

Tu Heng Lo, spokesman for the DA, echoed his sentiments. "People like to look at dirty things. But getting them to the grocery store to look at them, and to purchase them -- and, much less, to eat them -- involves a lot of work and expense. And, frankly, the organic farmers are getting tired of getting low pay for throwing filth onto vegetables."

The solution the two associations settled upon is to allow consumers to look at pictures of dirt and filth, with compulsory donations to Hal Bore's Carbon Consumer Project.

"With our new approach to filth and dirt", according to the DA and the FA, "we will provide consumers with all the filth and dirt they want, in the privacy of their own homes, and they can be happy that they're supporting the organic cause."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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