MacBarfers, the American multinational company that has for years tried to poison the world's teenagers, was today in crisis when an undercover reporter managed to find out the carefully hidden secret recipe for their multi-million selling BigBarf burger.
The reporter - who for reasons of security we will call John MacDonald of 23a Wisteria Avenue, Basingstoke, Westhamlostagain - disguised as an American President to ensure nobody would notice him outside of America, said:
'Here is the secret BigBarf recipe:
'Take one cow that's died of tuberculosis. Carve it up and sell all of its meat, then look at the hooves and horns and innards. Wonder how to con people into eating them. Grind them all up in a mixer, add lots of chemicals to make it taste meaty. Add more poisonous chemical additives to make people hungry after eating such garbage.'
'Add cheese that isn't real cheese, add ketchup that was made in 1933 then frozen, put it between 2 pieces of processed bread that taste like cardboard. Bribe television companies and sports events to advertise and sponsor MacBarfers. Become rich at the expense of millions dying from heart disease. Then bring out MacIrradiatedFish, MacDeepfriedSalad and MacTokenCarrot, and watch MacBarfers' shares rise on Wall Street.'
When it was pointed out that not even many Americans eat MacBarfers' ghastly products, and that freshly-made burgers are easily available on many street corners across the USA, a spokesman for the multinational company said 'So what? You get an overpriced, unhealthy burger, but you also get a crap toy and the logo to sit and look at. What more do you want, nutritious and delicious fresh food? Do me a favor ...'
Ronald McBarfer is now a vegetarian.