Now that cold and flu season is here, here's some tips, courtesy of TheSpoof.com, for staying healthy.
1. People who exercise regularly usually stay healthier. Try to marry someone like this so they can go to work when you can't.
2. There is a large increase in flu cases after Christmas. Convert to Judaism.
3. If you get sick, try to stay indoors for a few days and drink lots of fluids. But not herbal tea. Stupid hippies.
4. Some people say laughter is good medicine, but only if you have some disease that has the symptom of crying a lot.
5. When you get a flu shot mention your doctor's name so they know you want the really good medicine.
6. See filmmaker Michael Moore's movie "Sicko." After all, when it comes to staying healthy, who would know more than Michael Moore?
7. To avoid getting a computer virus, wear a condom when you masturbate while looking at internet pornography.
8. When I was a kid, we didn't stay home just because we had a sniffle. I used to walk to school, too.
9. If you get the grippe, a mustard plaster of wolfsbane and camphorated oils should do the trick.
10. They say to take an aspirin a day, even if you're not sick. Same goes for radiation treatments.
11. See the movie "Love Happens." It's the feel good film of the year!