Written by Bunsen Burner
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Monday, 19 October 2009

image for Flash Gordon Brown, Saviour Of The Universe Flash, saviour of the universe (financial conditions allowing)

The story so far: Flash Brown, ace rugby player and all round sports hero has been blasted deep into space by Dr Hans Mandelson, a mad scientist. Also on board the space craft is Dale Harman, a beautiful news reporter. They have landed on the planet Westminster, a dangerous and hostile land........

Flash: Keep together, I've noticed some fiscal easing at work on this place. Without post indigenous growth theory that stuff can kill you.

Mandelson: Who put you in charge? You haven't got a clue what you are talking about. Everyone knows that I am the genius behind this mission. Only I, Hans Mandelson, can save the world from the nightmare of the Lisbon Treaty.

Harman: Flash, look out! The place is alive!

All of a sudden they were surrounded by an evil force. With nowhere to go our heroes stood helpless as their foe approached. The evil Dave the Merciless.

Dave: Nothing can stop us now. Well, apart from me wasting time standing here giving details of my whole plan so that you can outwit me and save the earth. So, here is my plan. We will force your feeble planet to increase it's carbon emissions by 100%. The climate will change and you will all die! But first, you will have to play rugby against my team of champions."

Flash Gordon eyed the enemy carefully. They were big. Looked like they worked out. He swallowed hard. He looked at his friends.

Harman: Flash, I love you, but we only have 50 days to save the earth!

Oh, fucking great, thought Flash. This bint was heaping it all on him. If only Prince Vultan Prescott was still around, he was always good for a fight. The Queen was also busy, so the usual theme music was not available either.

Flash: If I can get them to ruck and maul there may be a chance. I need a distracttion...... aha!

Flash remembered his false eye. He popped it out and lobbed it in the air. The opposition were focused entirely on the eye. Flash gave a dummy scissors and dropped one right between the posts. The earth was safe. Dave the Merciless was beaten. But where was he? No sign. Perhaps all was not over. Flash, ahaaa..... prudence will allow a certain amount of universe saving but we don't want extravagance.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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