Written by nigmuncher
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Tags: Poo

Friday, 16 October 2009

image for S**t happens. But only to me offending lawnmower

Why does shit keep happening?

I decided to fit one last job in yesterday (Saturday) (My 70th day without a break. I'm going for total burn-out)

I put my lawnmower etc. on my trailer and set out.

All's well. I'm driving along, singing my head off to a CD when I detect a noise in the background. When I look in the mirror I can see the bloke behind me flashing his lights, and then I see a plume of sparks following me.

CRAP! The tailboard has fallen off the trailer and is dragging along the road frightening the natives and drawing the attention of the local plod.

What to do?

I'm doing about 30 mph: the local speed limit: course I was (sarcasm) and couldnt just throw the old anchor out of the window, cos the window was closed and they are expensive to replace.

I look in the mirror again, and 'Bang! the mower is gone' Must give credit here to Barry Scott and the Cillit Bang team. (Who is that lunatic?)

Unrestrained by the presence of the tailgait, it has shot off the back end like a scud missile.

I think it prudent now to chuck out the anchor, chain, bosun, topsail and every other nautical term I can think of, regardless of the expense of a replacement window.

As I stand in the road gazing at my remarkably undamaged mower, a knob in a 4WD, that's probably never been off-road in its life, drives by and calls me a f*****g idiot. It wasnt my fault. Perhaps he should go round to Halfords and call them f*****g idiots. They sold it to me.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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