'Now he's done it'
"Now he's done it", hissed Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State, to me as I began to take stock of the rapidly developing emergency in the Capital. "He's bitten the wrist of Fidel's brother, what's his name, and he won't let go. Darn, I know that name, I am just too upset!"
Hillary then ran off to to talk to the swat team that was called to the White House to try to resolve the Hostage-Bite situation. Sirens are going off all around me as I type this story through to our central computer. I'm not sure I'll be able to get it all uploaded before I'm cordoned off by a file of Secret Service and Marines marching directly at the swat team behind me.
'Oh the humanity!'
Oh, the humanity! Obama has bitten half way through the arm of the poor man, just because he did not agree to make Cuba the 52nd state, and he did not have a cigar for Obamba, and he would not tell him how they have such great cheap health care in Cuba. And now, the swat team has broken through the line of Secret Service.
They are using a non-lethal weapon! Ah, it's aspartame spray mist!
It's working.. the President is starting to release his bite! He's released it! He's looking for his teleprompter!
America is safe once again!