Written by Draconian Clown
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Thursday, 17 September 2009

image for New Training for ACORN Employees Did someone say acorns?!

Introduction: Offering Illegal Advice

1. Our job is to offer advice to government applicants so they are better able to utilize every service available even if it may not apply to them or be illegal.

2. We compiled the best advice available from top legal minds, Obama's best work as a lawyer was done here at ACORN (!), to use in order to help circumvent unfair government regulations.

3. Remember our goal: fabricate numbers to redraw political districts to elect Obama friendly people to power! President Obama worked hard to get his tool posted to head the Census Bureau and have our special numbers funneled directly into his White House for proper "modeling." If we are caught offering illegal advice very often it may delay success for Obama's plan to change things for us. Just be careful!

How to Expose Exposé Teams

1. People who do not seem to need our help will staff these exposé teams. Know Your Audience and be suspicious of odd-looking people. We own the big media so do not waste your time looking for Dan Rather or Katie Couric!

2. Cameras are as small of nostrils, so look up their noses! Check their bags and do not believe that cheek stud is just for good looks.

3. Try to hear visitors to say things like, Bush is a Criminal, Blood for Oil, Fox News is part of the problem, Dissent is Racism, and so on. This will help you weed out agents for our opposition.

Be Yourself

Remember: whatever trouble you get into, we can fix so don't worry about being embarrassed or going to jail. If you are caught, we will assign you to a different ACORN area under a different ACORN name. The Attorney General and the President are protecting us and they won't let you go down. We can do anything we want!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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