Written by Ricardo Fromage
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Tuesday, 15 September 2009

image for Is there anyone normal left asks survey? Someone who relies on statistics

According to research published on the ever reliable internet, the following is proved by statistics:

1 in 8 men are gay, 1 in 3 girls are abused by their boyfriends, 1 in 4 people will have mental health issues, 1 in 6 men are abused as boys, 1 in 10 children are illegitimate, 1 in 12 people are colour blind, 1 in 10 have restless leg syndrome, 1 in 5 will get Alzheimers, 1 in 5 primary age kids are obese, 1 in 4 girls got "A" grade GCSE's, 1 in 10 Welsh people have been tricked by an internet scam,1 in 3 teenagers cover their body odour with deodorant, 1 in 3 people don't know where Jesus was born, 1 in 3 people believe in ghosts, 1 in 4 people save no money at all, 1 in 4 people don't know their mobile number, 1 in 4 have been victims of credit card fraud, 1 in 4 don't believe the moon landings took place, 1 in 5 admit to peeing in the pool and 1 in 20 people are killed by alcohol in Scotland.

Fred McJones was born as Flora McJones to an unknown father who died of alcohol poisoning in Glasgow. Despite being abused at school by her boyfriend for being fat and smelly ,Flora achieved 12 A grade GCSE's, failing only religious education and astrology.

As a teenager, Flora changed her name to Fred, had a sex change and became gay. He then suffered more abuse following some confusion in the green light district. This caused him some mental problems compounded by renting a room in a haunted house.

Fred moved to Wales where he had a short lived career as a lifeguard before hitting the jackpot with an email from Nigeria. Sadly, after giving his credit card details to a complete stranger in another country, he lost all his money and now makes a paltry living as a Shaking Stevens impersonator.

He nearly had a breakthrough on Britain's got Talent but he couldn't remember where the audition was.

Fred is living proof that statistics don't lie.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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