Written by Frank Miller
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

image for Pegs: The new shoe fashion revolution is here Is the end is nigh for these silent foot killers?

The Fashion world was both shocked and orgasmic with pleasure last week during a show featuring the new shoe collection by Monsignor Sado where all models had their toes surgically removed to model his latest range of footwear called Pegs.

The Peg

Sado has long attempted to replicate the type of walk already popularised by many women in high heels today. Sado explains, "They walk like gorillas in thick mud, their heels wobble around because they have no stability, they have Achilles tendon and hip problems. I emulate this popularity with pain and deformity in my shoe designs. I think it's sexy"

Brainless top supermodel (I've got a PhD in Particle Physics but I'm so dumb I chopped off my toes for fashion) Emelda Gronheart from New Zeebland said, "This is the kind of thing to shake up the world of fashion, Sado is a revolutionary and look at my lovely feet, so sexy without my ugly toes". Sado adds, "Toes spoil the line of lovely footwear. Toe removal exposes the contours and curves which are sexy."

Monsignor Sado is well known for his particular styling of razor blades and broken glass embedded into the insole of his shoes to simulate the special type of walk of women who can't walk in heels. Now he believes he has reached his goal with the Peg; the painless alternative.

Retail

CEO of UK shoe giant Twinkle Toes Melanie Melody says, "When you think about it, women who force on shoes which don't fit may get corns and bunions, horrible deformities and immense pain! Removing the toes will ease the pain of millions of women."

What's the procedure for removing the toes?

"The toes are removed under local anaesthetic with a pair of industrial bolt cutters leaving heel mostly intact. No more rubbing, crushing or cutting but women will still be able to wobble around with a stupid look on their faces just like they do now, but with no more pain."

What does the Peg look like?

"The Peg itself looks like a wine glass with a four inch stem, what's left of the foot fits into it.

However, Podiatrist Dr Roger Shaw isn't so sure, "If women want to walk like CJD infected bovines when wearing heels then let them, but it's really quite simple. Don't buy shoes if they fucking hurt or you can't fucking walk properly in them! Fuck's sake!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

74 readers are online right now!

Go to top