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Thursday, 10 September 2009

image for Poland To Destroy All Of Its Piggy Banks A Florida alligator relaxing at The Gloria Gaynor Gator Zoo in Panama City, Florida.

VOX POPULI
by Lexington Fabriano

Vox Populi is a column of collected factual facts and figurative figures from America and other countries throughout the world that appear in the monthly trivia publication Wild Oatmeal.

1. Poland in an effort to stop the spread of swine flu has ordered that all piggy banks be destroyed.

2. In 2012, the state of Oregon will legally change its name to Oregano.

3. The state of Connecticut has just passed a law that owners of pet goldfish must have them either spayed or neutered by December 1, 2009. Failure to do so will result in the goldfish being confiscated and flushed down the state Capitol's toilet.

4. Wyoming residents are strictly forbidden from mentioning the name Buffalo Bill Cody due to the fact that he is single-handedly responsible for the slaughtering of 4,860 buffaloes. Violators will be fined $2,000, arrested, and jailed for 31 days.

5. The Sunshine State, Florida has passed a law outlawing the sale of alligator shoes, alligator wallets, and alligator luggage. The sale of alligator sofa covers is, however, still allowed, but only between the hours of 6 p.m. and 10 p.m.

6. The Bronx Zoo has reported that due to strict budget restraints and animal food purchasing cutbacks, they are going to lift the ban against feeding the animals. They say that anyone who brings food to the zoo to feed to the animals will receive a one dollar discount and a nifty button that reads: I Fed The Zoo Animals and It Was Actually A Whole Lot More Fun Than Watching Them Mate.

7. In Arkansas it is still against the law to refer to African-Americans as hillbillies. You can call them (blanks), or (blanks), or (blanks), but not hillbillies. Any violators will have their personal belongings packed up and they and their things will then be U-Hauled over to Mississippi.

8. Iceland has just introduced a national law that will make it illegal for tourists to bring in their own ice.

9. South Carolina still prohibits its citizens from using Yankee words such as New York Yankees, President Lincoln, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Boston Beans, Ohio Kitchen Matches, and The New York City Rockettes. Virginia Slims Cigarettes is marginal.

10. Japan in an effort to raise much-needed capital has decided to sell the Sea of Japan.

Lexington Fabriano has been the featured columnist for The Lafayette Bayou Bugle. for 17 years. He was born and raised in the little town of Ponchatoula, Louisiana.

Ponchatoula is an old Cajun word that broken down means: Poncha (nothing) tou (grows) la (here).

Fabriano graduated from Jean Lafitte College Summa Kum Baya with a major in journalism and a minor in mining. He is married to the former Mistletoe Valeen Bizzerwizzer, the beautifully well-endowed youngest daughter of Bayou Bugle Publisher Vernon Charles Bizzerwizzer.

In his spare time, Fabriano enjoys digging for crayfish, dancing to Cajun music, playing the harmonica with his nose, and going out to the bayous and shooting mosquitoes with a flame thrower.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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