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Saturday, 5 September 2009

image for Dog days in the White House: Bo's Journal - Entry 5 Bo's New Back Yard Far Away from Washington

Holy Beggin Strips! The White House has turned into a shit house of confusion, and we have Joe Biden taking over since Barry has embarked on his 'endless vacation', apparently in a fit of pique!

There is a sense of panic all around me as Joe has given 3 public addresses discussing how 'he' is on top of the tarp funds and leading the health care crusade, adopting the Ted Kennedy mantle! Wow...have another drink on me Joe, and don't knock down the barmaid!

With nothing much to do, Max took a sick day and he and I scooted out to see Joanna and Misty. I could tell it was a serious visit as he and Joanna talked quietly in the living room, and then started looking through some Real Estate Magazines featuring houses for sale in Maine.

Misty and I made ourselves scarce, and she could sense that I was concerned about my well being and the fact that Max had said he was planning to retire.

It was clear that Misty wanted to have a future together with me, but at the moment things looked kind of fuzzy. I told her Max had promised to take me with him if he left, but neither one of us knew how he could pull that off.

Instead of worrying, we were both happy to be together, and Misty told me something about her self and Joanna. Joanna was a Physician's Assistant at the VA hospital, and had devoted herself to the care and well being of many of America's wounded soldiers. Misty said she knew more about practicing medicine then most of the Doctors that were just passing through.

Joanna adopted Misty, who was a lapsed Baptist, she said, winking at me, and then Misty trained as a Certified Therapy Dog so she could go to work with Joanna everyday and hang out with the Vets and cheer them up. Misty said it was the highlight of her day to prowl the wards and see her favorites and spread good cheer around the best she knew how. I was falling more in love with Misty every minute, and struggling in my mind to see how we could make a life together.

Soon, Max called out for us to come in the house. Max looked pretty serious, and told me he had made his mind up to retire, and he and Joanna had come up with a scheme so that I could join them and Misty and live on a nice farm in Maine, snow and all!

Max told me to trust him, and had Joanna approach with a pair of grooming scissors. Now, as I told you, I'm a short, black nappy guy that doesn't shed, but I can stand a grooming now and again. Joanna gently trimmed my fur, being careful to save all the clippings, and then put them in a ziplock bag.
I didn't ask questions, even when she then took a syringe from a kit and told me to 'make a paw' so she could draw a little blood. I wondered if she needed this so I could get a marriage license, but didn't even grimace, as Misty was looking on with concern in her eyes.

With our little ritual done, it was time to head 'home', reluctantly, but I had a feeling Max and I were getting ready to make good our 'escape'

That night, during the midnight watch, Max told me he had put in his 'papers' and would be leaving the service before the first of the next month. That gave him less than 2 weeks to cover our tracks. He told me not to worry, and said to leave everything up to him.

I could tell that witch Marian was getting more and more crazy with each day.
Barry was still away ducking the press, and Michelle and her executive staff of 25 spent most of the day closeted with a bunch of Czars trying to recapture
'the magic' and regain the spin they had lost. Everyone, cept Marian, pretty much ignored little ole black me.

About a week went by, and one night Max told me "tonight's the night you have to disappear, Bo!" I was some scared, but I sure trusted Max. He took me up to my room, still smelled of pussy and cigars by the way, and told me we had to stage a scene. First he took off my collar and then shredded it up something fierce with a cheese grater. He then pulled out a bag of my hair and spread it around at the foot of the bed, and laid my distressed collar next to it. Out came another bag and he pulled out what looked like some claws from a wild animal which he also placed down, and then dusted with some of those african spices Marian kept in the kitchen. The final act was to sprinkle some of my blood around including some splatters on the side of the duvet.

Sure did look like someone done kicked my ass and carried me off. Max smiled, I could tell he was pleased with his made up Crime Scene!

"Ok, Bo,", he said confidently, "this is the night you go to doggie heaven. I'm goin take you outside in my carry bag and pass you over to Joanna who's waiting outside to take you to her house. It'll be just till I officially retire, and then we're all heading to Maine and our new home!"

I was so happy, I couldn't help it and pissed a little on the carpet. "Good Move, Bo, "he said, "that makes the scene perfect in case they call in CSI!"

After that it wasn't nothin. I slipped into his black ditty bag an he went on patrol around the grounds, and sure enough, there was Joanna waiting at the gate to take me!

Slicker than snot I was out of there, after a 2 block walk I was in her car, and guess who was waiting for me! We had the whole back seat all to ourselves the whole way to my hideout!

Well a week of bliss went by, Max came by a few times, and then on Friday he walked in with a big smile on his face and announced he was a free man, ready to collect his retirement and start a new life complete with a whole new family! Boy, didn't we celebrate that night, even though Misty and I had to sleep on the couch by our ownselves cause it appeared that it was a special human night!

The rest was a whirlwind of packin', movin and drivin to our new Northern Home. Every hour was an adventure with Max and Joanna singin along to the hits from the 50's and 60's on the XM radio. Misty and I joined in and even hummed a few bars with Fats Domino when he did 'Blueberry Hill!"

Once we were settled into the restored farmhouse with the 11 acres of fields and woods, and after Misty and I explored and marked our new territory, I began to wonder what was happening back at 'the other house'.

About 2 nights later I head a lot of laughing and knee slappin out in the TV room and Misty and I scurried out there to see what we were missing.

Turns out there was a late breaking news story showing some people marching on the white house with signs. It appears someone leaked the story that Barry's mother in law had been accused with doing away with little ole me and the PETA people were out in force, along with the ASPCA and even that Code Pink nutter Cindy Sheehan!

The focus than went to that talking face Robert Gibbs, who appeared more than flustered and disheveled answering questions. He couldn't deny that CSI had released their findings and confirmed that the blood found on the carpet and splattered around came from yours truly. The fact that they found some broken monkey teeth, some wart hog tenderizer, and a few feathers found only on a rare african parrot, seemed to point to some kind of WITCH CRAFT!

Boy, didn't we all laugh. Joanna and Max were huggin each other, and Misty came over, looked soulfully in my eye and said: "Bo, for the first time
in my life, I'm proud to be an AMERICAN!" God, I just love that Gal!

And just think, tomorrow is just going to be another happy day.
I am a real lucky dawg!

Love ya all!

Big Dawg, Just Another Maniac Now!

Bo

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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