Written by Morse

Print this

Thursday, 3 September 2009

image for Dog days in the White House: Bo's journal, entry 3 Where Bo Spends His Days

Woke up this morning to turmoil. The old "shit wouldn't melt in my mouth", Robert Gibbs was scurrying out of the House with his tail between his legs, and a whole lotta M*****F******s following his sorry ass. Seems like he just delivered the message that Barry's ratings have fallen again!

Gotta admit, it must be tuff to be toppled from the Top Dog pile when you thought you were the meanest, nastiest, Dawg on the planet due to being elected by your own kind.

Me, I just kept a low profile, what wiff all them Czars shuffling in and out all day. I heard 'the green czar' say somethin about them Republicans being Assholes and how he told all of America that at a meeting that is now the top U Tube hit!

Kinda kinky around here this month with all them foot baths being installed and the fact that Michelle wants them kept at precisely 82 degrees, and they have to be filled with that fancy French fizzy water she came to like while in France when Barry was talking about joinin' the EU...some kind of Big Dawg Clique, I think.

Max said he has a day off tomorrow, and he's goin to take me visiting to meet a 'lady friend'. The way he said it with a wink, I think he's got something up his sleeve for ole horny me....even if tomorrow's not the day, I will love getting out of here with Max, because the tension level is really getting fierce!

I decided to make out my 'short timer's ' calendar today. Max said he had one when he was in the Gulf War, and he counted out the days he had left.
Unfortunately my count down is for over 3 years. I heard Barry, Michelle and Emanuel talking about it. Barry is only here for 4 by choice...he says with the health care and cap and trade schemes he's put together, he can't wait to get out of here and cash in. He said this $250k a year is just chicken shit money, but it's put him in place to really make it big, and he'll only be 52.

Emanuel said he out of here in 2 since all the ground work will be laid and he's going to spear head the outside forces to tighten up the attack on capitalism and get Gore focused on the Global Warming Scam, and all the money that comes with it when they get their companies in place to capitalize on it.

Makes a good dog sad, when you realize you don't really have a family around to support you, and they're only looking out for themselves.

Seems like I'm not the only one in the White House that messes up the carpet

Last night was Movie Night With Michelle, when her staff invites a bunch of Dems over to screen the latest movie, along with the Hollywood Stars. Max told me the Secret Service boys are told not to log in any visitors on Wednesday night, so there won't be any record later on after they move out of the White House.

Seems they were rescreening Citizen Cane last night and it seems Harry Reid lost control of his bowells when Michelle said Orson Welles reminded her of him. She let it be known, right in front of Pelosi, that the White House had decided he was expendable, especially since his approval rating was down 50 points and he was running 15 points behind a Republican Chanllenger.

Michelle smiled and said she hoped nothing bad happened to him which would cause the Governor to instill a replacement prior to the election.

It was pretty smelly in there for awhile, but all but Harry ajoined to the study for coffee and cognac. I think Barry called for the HAZMAT unit to clean up.

It was a beautiful day in Washington today, you'd never know that the economy was in shambles, and we had a dysfunctional First Family.
Max checked out a company car, one of them big GMC Suburbans, and I got to sit in the passenger seat, mostly because the rear of the car was all filled with a pop up gatling gun capable of firing about 6,000 rounds a minute.

Max really felt good about getting a day off. He even joked about going to the local airport and touching off a few rounds and letting me retrieve
"a few of them fucking killer geese' as he called them.

We went to the zoo and I got to look as some real neat animals. They all kind of stared at me. I don't know if they were hungry, or just wondered why I was out here, and they were in there. I took it as an economic lessor, seeing how the tax payers look at us when they're trapped and looking out .

Finally we drove into a nice neighborhood and Max pulled up in front of a really nicely maintained bungalow with a white picket fence and a bunch of roses. Without saying anything, we both jumped out and walked up to the house, but before we could ring the bell, the door opened and I was attacked!

Whoa! From inside the house sprang the most beautiful little bitch I had ever seen. She was about my size, but more delicate, and she had the kinkiest golden curls I had ever sceen. She pranced right up an gave me a 'howdy big fella' smack right on the lips....her breath was like a fresh opened honey dew melon in a South Carolina Field on a summer day.

Max was laughing so hard he could hardly stand, and then I noticed he was tied up with a strikingly handsome woman who didn't seem to want to let him go neither. They were both smilin at us, and the next thing I knew we were both off rompin in the yard, tumblin around to beat hell. Seems like 'Misty' my new friend was just as happy as me to meet someone new.

Misty and I kind of lost track of time as we communicated, the way us dogs do. Seems she was a registered Golden Doodle and had the best personality of any dog I had ever met. It seemed like we had known each other forever, and I only wished I could stay in this place, on this lawn with its fresh mown grass and sweet flowers forever!

Finally Max and his friend Joanna came out to collect us as it was time to go.
I could tell from the expressions on everyone's face that it had been a memorable afternoon, and that we'd be repeating it soon, and hopefully often!

When we got back in the truck I snuggled up to Max just to let him know how much I enjoyed the day, and he rubbed my ears as I fell asleep in his lap, my head full of long forgotten happy puppy dreams.

Big Dawg Gone


Coming: The Witch Doctor stalks Bo, Max makes plans to Retire, while
Camelot turns into a Porti Potti.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


42 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more