WASHINGTON, D.C. - Television political host Glenn Beck who has lost 33 of his 36 sponsors was invited by President Obama to visit him at the White House.
The president had told his press secretary Cal Colfax that he wanted to afford Mr. Beck an opportunity to apologize to him because he was really and truly afraid that Beck may do something stupid(er) when he gets his loose cannon ass fired.
Colfax told the president that Beck had made his own bed and that the diarrhea-mouthed worm should now have to lie in his own vile, pestilent, rotten, hog slop infested pig pen.
The president laughed. He told Faxy to not hold back and tell him how he really felt.
Colfax apologized and said that he just does not like mouthy individuals like Beck spouting out at the mouth without even taking a nano-second to think about what the friggin' hell he is going to say.
The president laughed some more.
"Hey Faxy. How about giving me some more descriptive words that I can use to describe the Beckster.
"Sure, Mr. President."
"But I want some F words ya hear."
"No problem sir. How about frowzy, funky, fusty, fetid, and foul."
"Homerun! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!"
The president smiled and he told Colfax to go on and get a bite to eat. He told him to tell Margarita, (the White House cook) to fix him up a plate of his favorite Chalupas Cordon Bleu.
Just then Novela Lagartos, the chief White House maid told the president that Mr. Beak had arrived.
The president welcomed him in and told him to sit down anywhere except for the big plush imported albino leather chair from Sardinia.
President Obama told him that it had cost him or rather the taxpayers $47,499 and that did not include shipping which he figured probably kicked the sucker up to around $52,000 or so.
Beck thanked the president for inviting him to the White House. He said that he had only been there once, but that was 30 years ago when he worked for Domino's Pizza and he had delivered a couple of pepperoni pizzas to President Jimmy Carter's little daughter Amy and three of her school friends.
Beck laughed and recalled how one of the little darlings had thrown up on his shoes.
The president laughed and said that lately he has felt like throwing up on his shoes as well.
Just then the 'First Kiddoes' Malia and Sasha ran in. They had the "First Pooch' Bo with them.
The president told the girls to be sure and keep Bo away from Mr. Beck because he didn't want him getting bit. Malia replied that Bo doesn't know how to bite. Sasha added that Bo just likes to slobber.
The president smiled and told Beck not to worry because when he pees on you, it just means that he likes you and that he doesn't want any other dogs to be around you.
Bo jumped up on Beck's lap and sure enough he peed on him big time, uplifted leg and all. Beck turned red. The president got embarrassed and got up to take Bo off of Beck's lap. But before he could do that Beck took Bo and drop-kicked him about 15 feet towards the door.
The president reached over and tried to get Beck in a headlock, but Beck took off running towards the door. Well by this time Bo had managed to pick himself up and he met Beck at the door. Bo started growling like 'Cujo' and he then proceeded to latch on to Beck's leg.
Beck started yelling and screaming like what Ann Coulter would probably sound like if she was yelling and screaming.
It was an extremely high-pitched scream for a grown man. He yelled for the president to call Bo off. The president said that he could not hear him over the sissified screaming that was coming out of his mouth.
Finally the Chief Secret Service Agent Laramie Cobalt came into the room and he managed to pull Bo off of the whimpering Beck.
Cobalt quickly gave Bo a Milk-Bone Treat and Bo went off to the corner to eat it. Beck was complaining that Bo had cut the skin and that he had ruined his $84 pair of Gloria Vanderbilt Designer Slacks, he then corrected himself and said that they were actually Calvin Klein Slacks.
The President smiled and said that he could see that they weren't Calvin Klein's because he could easily make out the G.V. initials on the back pocket.
President Obama called the White House Physician Dr. Santufi Sanyugi. The doctor said that Beck only had about three teethmarks but that they should completely go away within two weeks if not sooner.
The president asked if Beck was fundamentally fine. The doctor said that he wouldn't quite go that far since he had heard the asinine remarks that he had made about the president of the United States.
President Obama then said that he would rephrase the question.
"Mr. Beck's bites are not life-threatening are they doctor?"
Dr. Sanyugi assured him that they were not. The president said good and he told Beck that he could leave before he got some blood on the white White House carpet.
Beck told him that he needed to sit down and that he wanted for the president to call him an ambulance.
"Okay, you're an ambulance."
Beck did not find that amusing. He again told the president that he wanted an ambulance.
The look on President Obama's face changed from one of happy-go-luckiness to one of I'm-pissed-of-now-you-anorexic-Rush Limbaugh-lookin-son-of-a-bitch!
Glenn Beck yelled out that he needed an ambulance and he needed it now because he was getting ready to faint.
The president said that he had just about had enough of his drama queen antics. He told Agent Cobalt who was holding Bo that he was going to count to ten. And when he reaches ten, he wanted for him to turn Bo loose on Beck.
Beck stood up, grabbed his coat, and flew out the door like that champion female runner Caster Semenya from South Africa that everyone thinks is really a guy.
The president was laughing when he told the "First Mama" Michelle that the Beckster had high-tailed it out of the White House so fast that he did not even stop to get his parking ticket validated.
SIDENOTE: Glenn Beck did not apologize to the president for calling him a racist. The president was asked to comment on that. He just smiled and said, "The hip-hop concert ain't over until the big fat rap lady sings."