Written by Blazing Saddle
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 28 August 2009

image for Government Outsourcing A typical parliament. Offerors should attempt to replace this with 1 temporary worker with common sense.

ADVERTISEMENT


Tenders are invited for the supply of a United Kingdom government. The present public/private partnership has broken down, is obsolescent and must be replaced before next April Fool's Day.

It is envisaged that companies such as Halliburton, Brown& Root and the Royal Bank of Scotland would be exemplary offerors.

Scope Of Supply: Offerors are to provide a complete government, to include parliament (2 houses), a judiciary service, an executive branch (similar to today's Civil Service, but with no staff holdovers). Police, taxation and revenue service requirements are detailed in Appendix A to Annex V.

An army, navy and air force will be required. Offerors are to open discussions with the present services with a view to subsuming them in a future Privatised Finance Initiative Government. There is no need to offer to re-equip the present armed forces as their missing £7 billion of equipment has been located in a shed in Worcestershire.

Payment Terms: None. Since the new government will be passing its own laws, there is no need even to think about money at this stage.

Pension Scheme: A traditional MP's Expenses fiddle is to be included in all offers.

Elections: No longer required. Offerors currying favour by offering public participation by vote in the future government will be deemed non-responsive and will be disqualified.

Documentation: All newspaper and other media have been frozen by order of Lord Peter Mangelson until the tenders are opened.

Response and Due Date: 2 copies (1 paper and 1 copy in Word and Excel) are to be delivered to Lord Peter Mangelson (Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) at "The Cottage, Hampstead Heath, London WC, by 1230pm on 25 December 2009.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

49 readers are online right now!

Go to top