Written by Asheville Jack
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Wednesday, 26 August 2009

image for New Evidence Suggest Karl Marx was a Thespian "I could of been a contender" said Karl Marx

Berlin, Germany - Archeologist searching for evidence of ancient Roman brothels in the German village of Schlipinvagina have instead uncovered a tantalizing mystery. While excavating where a broken down brick out house once stood they discovered a rusted tin box which contained prints of naked Victorian woman and a diary that had belonged to Karl Marx, the father of communism.

Professor Wilhelm Whanker, in charge of the dig, held forth a small red leather diary. "This diary," said the professor, "is the diary of Karl Max as a young man and helps to explain how he came to write the Communist Manifesto, first published in 1848. Let me read a few entries from it if you please."

Dated Oct. 7th, 1842 - "Surely there is more to life than being a lawyer like my father, or his father before him. And if I were forced to read any more of the law or the dry ranting of Kant or Baader I would without doubt hang myself from the nearest tall tree. What I truthfully love more than anything else in the world is the high art of being, and of being a thespian. All I need is someone to direct me"

Dated May 1, 1843 -"I have studied like no one before me the sanguine writings of Shakespeare and am confident that I may land the role of Puke in this midsummer's play. I must have that role of Puck!"

Dated May 11, 1843 - "Shit! Father has forbade me from perusing my dream of being a thespian. He insists I must practice a career in law if I am to gain my inheritance and property, which I value immensely. And to make matters worst, that highbrow director laughed when I auditioned for the part of Puck. Shit!

"Lets move ahead a few years," said the professor, "to Sept. 14, 1846" - "I have landed a small role in the play 'Two Heads for Pander.' I have at last found someone to direct me and I am so happy to be living my dreams."

Dated Jan 28, 1846 - "My father has disowned me! He discovered my activities as a thespian and has disinherited me. I am now without funds or prospects. Well, fuck him. I don't need money to survive. Not as long as I have my career as a thespian. Not as long as I have my friends."

Dated Jan 29, 1846 - "Shit! My friends abandoned me as soon as they discovered that I have been disinherited. Well, fuck them. I don't need friends to survive. Not as long as I have my career as a thespian."

Dated Feb 6, 1846 - "Shit! I am no longer a thespian. I have lost my role in 'Two Heads for Pander. Fuck!"

Dated April 9, 1847 - "All is lost and I am so depressed. Why can't everyone live together in peace as one? One day all people will sit together as equals at the table of life. All they need is someone to direct them!"

"The diary ends there, thankfully" said Professor Whanker, "what a schmuck!"New Evidence Suggest Karl Marx was a Thespian

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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