Written by Frankie The J
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Thursday, 13 August 2009

image for Fr. Francois' Confessional #08

Dear Fr. Francois:

I am a 16-year-old Catholic High School Student from West Bumfuck, Indiana. I guess I am an average looking guy; I don't have a lot of zits, two heads, monkey ears, or six toes on my left foot or anything. I am reasonably fit and play basketball and football for my school. Whatever the reason, I just can't seem to get a date with a girl, any girl.

So, I signed up for the computer dating site, eCumonme.com and I entered in all my data and sent a recent photograph, and lo and behold, within 20 minutes I had 6,449 inquiries, most of which seemed to come from girls about my age.

I specifically stated I was interested in dating only Catholic girls with high moral standards.

Are you familiar with eCumonme.com, Father? Are such dating sites a good place to find a wholesome Catholic girl to date, and, maybe, when I'm older, to marry?

Signed,
Oppie Day

Dear Oppy,

Be very careful with whom you correspond on dating sites, and in fact, on the internet itself. You may just be setting yourself up for heartbreak, or worse.

I know for a fact that many online predators lurk on eCumonme.com because I, myself, have posed as a 13-year-old girl on that particular site over 1000 times, in order to lure nasty people to my home, so I could counsel them against their evil ways.

Worked too!

You know what they say about eCumonme.com:

"You might get laid--or you might get slayed!"

Blessings,
Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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