Written by Jimarillo
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Tags: Wimbledon

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Following on from the terrible summer of 2008, the people of Britain were promised a heat wave for the summer of 2009. With the help of global warming and the shift in the gulf stream, Britain was set to receive record breaking temperatures come the summer months. Everyone was readying the sun cream and cider with ice cubes until the UK Weather office issued a heat warning which initiated the mutation of the British Curse.

The British Curse has been alive in Sport since the early 19th Century and has been growing ever since. The Curse is traditionally found in popular national sports like foot ball, rugby and cricket and is then activated by the building of hopes and expectations of the public only for the team/national representatives fail in their quest for the promised global glory. Signs of the curse are flags on cars, sponsored goods, pull out posters, comparisons of the last time Britain won anything "There was a royal wedding in '66". It is only minority and unpublicised sports like track cycling can Britain achieve world domination. As soon as the coverage is raised on the sports then the wheels fall off (apologies Jenson and Lewis, but case in point.)

So how did the Curse mutate to a weather effecting strain? It started with the UK Weather office issued the heat wave warning which aroused the publics interest to boiling point (sic) but it was not enough for the Curse to strike. It was only when the normally rain soaked national darling sporting event of Wimbledon attempted to foil the forces of nature by building a roof over its centre court did the British Curse take full hold on the nation. It was evident the Curse had taken effect by the fact that it did not rain over the two weeks of the tournament and the only player to use the roof (for light reasons and not for the weather) was Britains own Andrew Murray. Following Wimbledon the British public have enjoyed only five (national average) days of sunshine, which is only half of what they would normally expect by mid August.

How can they break this curse? Will they be able to do it in time for a certain global sporting event next year in South Africa that will not be mentioned, will winter be as warm as spring? Who can tell but together they should be able to fight the Curse and not be subject to the efforts of the mindless evil pompous jeering villainous types who choose to encourage the Curse and prey on the simple (and make them put flags on your car. It's a car not a castle!). Britain unite but just not get too over excited or concerned over these things and the Curse will bet bored and go away and you may just win things again.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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