Written by Wilco
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Tuesday, 11 August 2009

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As far as I'm aware, masturbation Began on July 28th 1914. The world saw a new threat making it's latest advance into there homely lives and the only thing left a man could do was to shape up, join the forces and settle in for two years of mandatory handatory under the watch of the German war machine. Nothing feels more like home when you're in a wet French trench than reaching climax over a saucy picture of a loved one. And that's when porn began.

I know I'm just being stupid, but before World War 2 if you'd have told any young female that all men at one point in their lives had engaged in eye to eye combat with their "Best interest", they would have fainted into the sink they were chained to. Masturbation just wasn't in the public's best interest to know about.

The war brought around many many things. but they all sat around the ideal of freedom, and with that freedom came a more liberal way of thinking, and with that thinking and a little bit of time came the 60's. The beginning of the porn revolution. And the biggest thing to cum (I'm so sorry) out of that revolution was the porno mag.

For years the porno magazine reigned supreme, sitting high and mighty on the top shelf of dreams above the fishing monthly and gun hoe meltdown. this was an item with no shelf life, the doors behind which people where talking about masturbation had been flung open, and men were more than happy to stroll into the local newsagent and slam a copy of busty bitches down on the counter, never caring a shade what the young till operator was thinking in her hormone riddled head.

Even when I was growing up, dirty magazines were where I had my first encounter with the naked female body. someone would have a always stolen one of their dads mags or for some reason found one hidden in some bushes at the park. I don't know who takes porn to the park, I don't really want to know, but if it wasn't for that seedy weird person then I may have stayed innocent for a little bit longer. thank you weird creepy man, thank you.

But anyway the older and more tech minded we've got, the more ways there are to look at porn. The internet hit hard in the nineties and when it wasn't being used for online gaming it was being used as gateway to free porn. No longer were magazines being picked of the shelves, the only guys who still do are the kind of people who scream at lampposts and wear trench coats all year round. A snail trail of dust had hit the top shelf hard and with it came the blue card to shield the covers of these artistic joys and protect children's minds from the realities of life.

Porno mags have put up a good fight but inevitably in time will be subjected to the vaults of history along with concord, yes, I believe porn mags are as worthy as concord.

I asked a friend of mine recently if they had ever bothered to read one of the articles in a porn mag*, when he said "I don't think I've ever held a porno before" I knew the crown had finally been passed on. Thank you dirty magazine, you shall be sorely missed.


*(You should by the way, they're so funny)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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