Written by Krusty
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Tags: Ireland, Irish

Friday, 13 August 2004

image for Your Horoscope for the day........by an Irish Astrologer? Your reading for today!

( First for a little insight into the great man)

The great man we know as "Krusty" comes from a quiet town in ireland where for many years he grew potatoes on his fathers plot of land.
From an early age his parents noticed that he stood out from the other children, it wasnt his webbed toe, nor was it his gimp leg but it was his talent for predicting future events.

The first time this occoured was when he woke one monday morn, and jumped out of his wee crib and rushed to his father and told him he invisioned a parcel in the post office which was for thier collection.
Unfortunitly his father never made it to the post office as he was run over by a cow but it was later discovered that there "was" a parcel waiting for collection although they could not claim it as it was addressed to a Mr K Rusty.
A mistery that has yet to be solved to this day!

As Krusty got older he studied at Oxford university in England where after a 4 week training coarse he became a Janitors apprentice.
It was here where his talent was spotted by professor Sir Steven mayers.
Here he saw how Krusty could predict the results of student exams just by looking at the stars.

A year later Krusty left the campus after unfounded allegations that he was gaining "After Hour" access to the deans private quaters.
An allegation which deeply hurt our beloved friend.

Krusty became bewilderd at the cruel world and became a petty thief on Londons West End where he would pick-pocket the well to do.
One day he robbed a young Russell Grant who took pity on Krusty and took him under his wing where he introduced him to the world of Astrology. Together they are now reputible Astrologers.

As many of you already no "Krusty" has been the personal confidant of many of our great world leaders such as Nixon, Clinton and G.W Bush.
And with his help these Great leaders have never put a foot wrong and will be long remembered as "faultless" presidents.

Other famous people who Krusty guides and guilded are John Travolta (1980-1990) Kevin Costner (1994-present) and Michael Jackson (1982-present)
Without this great mans help these people would just be like you and i.

Now for Todays Horoscope from the world famous Astrologer Krusty!!!!


Today is like no other day, it may end in a Y like all the others, except for tomorrow that is, but anyway.

You will hear terrible news concerning a close relatives illness but you do not have to worry as it is not contagious.
Today, luck is on your side as you are offered a new career but be weary as behind every door of oppertunity there is always a handle with a jagged edge where you might catch a ring or braclet on.

Be very carefull whilst driving to work this morning as cars have steering wheels.
Also stay alert on your way home and look out for blind men as there are lots of winning lottery tickets yet to be claimed.
Listen carefully to your children today as they might have some gossip about your neighbour.
If a strange looking man with one arm trys to sell you a mobile phone then buy it as its probobly the one stole on you last week
A close friend will hear some bad news today and will need a shoulder to cry on, if your wearing your favourite shirt then just pat them on the back.

And lastly, There is soon to be a full moon in your star sign which means.......Absolutly Nothing!!!

Your lucky numbers for the week our 7, 13, 22.
For a closer look at weekly events phone our hotline on 00**2 12**38 54*** where you will be warned about dangerous con artists who are trying to steal your money.

Calls charged at $5 per second.
All calls may be monitered for training purposes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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