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Friday, 7 August 2009

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In light of the recent revelations, the PGA Tour Judges have decided to impose the so-called "Tiger Woods Fart Rule" and add it under Section 1, Paragraph 7 "Players conduct while on the golf course."

This is the section which concerns walking between a player and the hole on the green or casting a shadow across the path of the ball to the hole while on the green, etc.

Whenever anyone is about to hit the ball, whether off the tee as a drive or in the fairway or putting on the green, there shall be no farts cast, but if so the player about to hit the ball will be able to choose to redo the shot, should a fart occur while he is either in mid-stroke or has actually touched the ball.

No redone shot will be allowed if the said fart occurs after the stroke has followed through.

Also, the person who passed the gas in a deliberately loud manner will be penalized by one stroke. If said person feels one coming on, he may turn and walk away from the green while putting is completed or until his turn. The same applies whenever the shot is coming from off the tee or fairway.

The EXACT SAME Rule applies to that player's own caddy. We suggest a separate contract be signed by that caddy if he is your regular caddy and talk over his eating habits before a four day event.

When are farts permissible?

  1. You may fart at will during your own swing, much like the grunt of the tennis pro.
  2. Once a victory is won, one may cut loose with a rip-snorting roar of a blast in a victory salute and also by anyone else wishing to congratulate the winner or celebrate the occasion.[/il]

Whether a player farts during interviews in the clubhouse by one of the networks, he will have to work that out with the sponsors. But remember, golf is a game of etiquette.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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