Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 5 August 2009

image for Quotes From The Book of Limbaugh Rush Limbaugh's hair stylist Mr. VaVaVoom reading a copy of his book "Quotes From The Book of Limbaugh."

Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, 58, has just written his first book of quotes entitled, Quotes From The Book of Limbaugh.

The noted radio host, political commentator, author, television personality, and well known and loved GOP ass-kisser loves being in the spotlight, which he says he actually invented back in the 60s.

The book which is published by the Sequoia Sapling Publishing Company contains never before published quotes by the self anointed "Master of Muck, Minutia, and Malarkey" plus never before published quotes by his friends, foes, and those who lie somewhere in between.

QUOTES FROM THE BOOK OF LIMBAUGH

RUSH LIMBAUGH: We need to once and for all totally annihilate the Republic of North Korea and give the empty rubble-filled piece of shit country to China so that she can use the flat as hell land as a gigantic parking lot for her millions and millions of damn rickshaws

JOAQUIN PHOENIX: Who the hell is Rush Limbaugh? I've never heard of him. Really. Does he pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers?

GEORGE BUSH: Howdy y'all. Now please pay close attention to what I'm fixin' to say. I never. I repeat, I never said that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Y'all misunderstood me. Y'all did not listen to me too good. What I said was that there were weapons of mass distraction in Iraq, DISTRACTION. And there sure a shootin' is a whole lotta big difference, a great big as Oprah Winfrey's ass difference, if you know where the hell I'm comin' from [wink-wink].

KUMIMBU MINNAMAKI (President of Nigeria): I tell you what. The honky better never ever set foot in Nigeria cause if he does, we'll put salt and pepper on the beeach and eat the mofoing racist scoundrel along with a nice Caesar Salad.

PARIS HILTON: Rush Limbaugh? What kind of stupid first name is that...Limbaugh?

SENATOR JOHN McCAIN: Rush, my friend, did I ever mention that I spent five and a half years in a North Vietnamese POW prison camp?

RUSH LIMBAUGH: Look if poor people don't want to work. Then we have to find a way to make them work. And if we can't find a way to make them work, then we need to find a way to force them to work, and if we still can't find a way to force them to work then we ought to just load them all up on C-5A transport planes and fly them over to Siberia where they can work at picking the frickin' frackin' snow out of their nine-year-old boxers or briefs.

ANDY DICK: The damn hatemonger can kiss my last name.

DON RICKLES: I just turned 98. Rush is an interesting fellow. Zzzzzzzz. The guy is a GOP son-of-a-bitch. He is a GOP son-of-a-bitch. Zzzzzzzz. Hey did I say that he is a GOP son-of-a-bitch?

RUSH LIMBAUGH: France. from the Greek word Franaloopapolis, which means, War? So sorry Monsieur. We do not do war.

SIDENOTE: Mr. Limbaugh will be at The Adolf P. Smeckenberger Book Store in Cicero, Illinois this Saturday at 10:20 a.m. He will be autographing his new book Quotes From The Book of Limbaugh for a fee; $10 for Republicans and $15 for Democrats.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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