This morning J.K Rowling herself made a startling announcement. Around 2pm in the morning, she could be seen wandering Privet Drive holding a bottle of Vodka proclaiming that her long lost brother had turned up. Her brother, U.G.L.Y Rowling, has been missing for ten years. It is claimed that he has been stuck in the past for the ten years since he and Ms. Rowling saw each other last. He accidentally broke a time-turner and has been hopelessly trying to make some money to buy a new time-turner to get back.
Having shortly made enough money to get back U.G.L.Y Rowling plans to give his sister a run for her money, with his story, Barry Potty and the Mafia’s stone. Ms Rowling seemed unfazed by this as she was currently rolled up in a ball muttering wildly, until a snowy owl began to peck Ms Rowling till she woke up.
Ms. Rowling also announced that since her brother had turned up, she was going to incorporate this idea into Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. Harry will now be having a three-year-old brother named Samuel Potter who will first try to kill Harry, and then found out that Harry is his brother. After which he will go through every other cast member trying to kill them until he finally only kills some random person we’ve never heard of. Which, she adds, will make writing Harry Potter six much harder, much longer to get published and will now weigh the size of a baby elephant.
But this leads to the question is James and Lily still alive then? The reply was an extremely long belch from Ms. Rowling.
Police officials arrived at the scene, one hour later, to drag Ms Rowling away; as she confirmed that the last Harry Potter book will be called Harry Potter and The Writer who Couldn't be Bothered.
Ms. Rowling will be kept under close watch for any more Harry Potter hints. In the mean time many, as Ms. Rowling calls them, boring losers who would commit suicide if they didn’t have the Harry Potter books, will pray for their sanity and Ms. Rowling’s that she doesn’t wake up with a hangover in the morning.