By Fr, Francois Dubois, S.J.
I hold a Doctorate in Divinity; I am not a medical doctor. Regardless, I am regarded as somewhat of an expert in the field of human sexuality, and especially an expert regarding Roman Catholic sexuality. In fact, it was me who counseled the Holy Father, Pope Benedict, to resign as Pontiff in order to marry his lover, Longdongo (see Pope Quits: Says one billion Catholics are wrong, TheSpoof.com-World News). Yes, mighty leaders from the world over seek out my advice when it comes to pursuits of fleshly stuff. And it is easy to understand why they do: I cut through all of the sexual bullshit and get right down to the real nitty gritty.
Thousands upon thousands of men write me each year about the size of their penises. I encourage it! I ask most of them to send me 8x10, glossy, color photographs of their peni. During my research, I had to break my vow of chastity and engage in sexual intercourse with scores of women (later forgiven by Pope Benedict in appreciation of my sexual healing of His Holiness).
I showed each of the women in my research study the penis photographs sent to me by the thousands of men mentioned in the above paragraph. Then, I showed the women my penis, just prior to engaging in the tube steak boogie with them. Afterwards, 93.89367 % of the women asked about penis size told me, "Oh, Fr. Francois, yours is the very best I ever had." I always offered them another serving of my Holy rod and staff, but most demurred saying, "Once was enough, Father. I'll remember your dick forever. I cannot wait to tell the other sisters in the convent."
My penis measures exactly eight centimeters in length, and precisely nine millimeters in diameter. I prefer using the metric system for measuring sexual apparatus; they sound far more impressive in metric measure.
But I digress.
Guys of my size, rejoice! Women prefer men with short, pencil-thin peckers. Don't be shy; get out there and swing your thing!