Written by Asheville Jack
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Friday, 31 July 2009

image for 'I don't like soccer players, and I don't like people who do' by Chief Lee

I hate the game of soccer. I especially hate the stupid morons who play it!

Whenever I drive by a soccer field with little children or 'adults' playing that sick little game I lean out the window of my car and holler out something like, " look at you little fairies prancing around in your stupid fucking fairy uniforms, you sick little assholes," followed by leaning on the horn until the game stops. When I have everyone's attention I'll give them the big finger followed by something like, "stupid fucking morons bitches," even if it's a men's team.

And it's not just soccer players I hate, those sick fucking bastards. I hate road construction workers too. You've seen them, walking around in their puke yellow vests, those crusty fingered turds pretending to be something they not, clutching stop or go slow signs like they've got the world on a string, playing in the dirt with their fucking toy bulldozers. I piss on their bulldozers. Today on the way to church I passed a group of them squatting by the side of the road and I waited until I was right up on them and I leaned on the horn and scared the shit right out of them. It's was hilarious. I watched them in the rear view mirror scrambling around like the bunch of monkfish ass holes they are. "Fuck 'em," I say.

I hate priests and TV weather men and librarians with their hair all up in a bun with a bobby pin in it cause their too fucking lazy to do it right the first time too. But mainly I hate those shit hole soccer players and road construction workers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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