Written by samueltskinner
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

image for Please sir, can I have some more? the object of envy for many a trooper

I wanted to analyze a debate that has fallen into an incomprehensible obscurity this week. Like all arguments that blaze for a bit too long without reaching a conclusion, Helicopter-gate is now very difficult to follow - but we shall try... With a recent surge in activity by our army in Afghanistan we have seen a lot of casualties coming from the region, bringing total deaths in the Afghan war up to a critical level and sparking questions from all about whether or not we should be there at all. Somehow, through all the numbers, statistics and points raised, the thing that has really stuck in the media and political limelight is helicopters...

It starts out as a reasonable question about whether we have enough helicopters. It continues with a reasonable response that we do have enough helicopters. Then someone who used to be in the army said they should have more helicopters. Then someone who IS in the army says they have just about enough helicopters but wouldn't mind more helicopters because they would be useful. The government says they have given 60% more helicopters which sounds like a lot, but then we find out we actually only have 10 helicopters anyway and thats not actually a lot at all...

So then the government comes out and says that we do have enough helicopters but we are going to give them more helicopters (even though we just said they have enough) and then there will be enough helicopters for sure! Now, by this point, i have heard the word HELICOPTER so many times my head is spinning faster than a set of propellers and the argument itself has become almost impossible to recall without a haunting montage of grown adults saying that one word again and again until they all start to sound like children playing with their favorite Transformer toy...

"Mum! he has a gun and he has a missile and... and... he turns into a HEWICOPTER! but the Autobots don't have enough hewicopters to fight back! A HEWICOPTER MUMMY, A HEWICOPTER!!!!!!!"

I close the debate with the ONE statistic that really puts it into perspective; we have about 8000 troops in Afghanistan, and they have 10 helicopters. The USA have about 8000 troops in Afghanistan also, and they have 120

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

65 readers are online right now!

Go to top