Written by timothylock

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Monday, 20 July 2009

If you thought the Michael Jackson death juggernaut was slowing down, guess again! Because now thanks to his opportunistic family we're going to get hit with a mountain of morbid merchandise from the surviving Jackson's hoping to grab some of the spotlight from the dearly departed King of Pop!

First out of the gate is LaToya with her tribute song to Michael called "Home" that's being released July 28th! No joke! Actually this song was originally recorded and released by LaToya in 2003 as lo and behold, a TRIBUTE song to her family. I bet now this publicity seeking whore will repackage this piece of shit single every time another Jackson kicks the bucket! And if you think I'm being harsh, let me ask you, have you ever heard LaToya sing? Let me put it to you this way, re-releasing a LaToya Jackson song is the equivalent of having cancer come back after it's been in remission!

Also, I'm sure we'll be treated to at least one inappropriate product from the family patriarch, maybe the commercial will be something like this "Hi, I'm Joe Jackson frightening father of the absolutely world famous, and indubitably dead King of Pop Michael Jackson! Do you have some children who are lazy, and lack a sense of direction? Well now thanks to the officially licensed Joe Jackson "Beat It" belt, you can motivate them adolescent asses in one hell of a hurry! Don't worry if they can't sing or dance! Now you can beat the entertaining ability into them lickity split! Musical talent ain't in the genes, it comes from the belt! That's why it's called hit music! Years ago my sissy son Michael started walkin' backwards to dodge my discipline, and then that moonwalkin' motherfucker done gone and made millions, all thanks to the Joe Jackson "Beat It" belt! Like the old saying goes, "If life gives you lemons, then beat the shit out yo kids!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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