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Friday, 17 July 2009

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Washington, DC - Vice President Biden announced a new FEMA program today with a photo op and speech on the grounds of the his residence at the Naval (Navel?) Observatory also known as Cheney House. A transcript of his remarks follow:

Good morning ladies and gentlemen. I was in a bit of a rush this morning and grabbed a sheaf of papers from my desk. Let me sort through these for my short speech...

'Fourscore and seven years ago', no not that one.

'Never was so much owed by so many to so few.' No not that one either.

'Yesterday, December seventh, a day which shall.' Just a minute, here it is.

We all know what a glorious city our capitol is. We must do all we can to protect it from the perils of time, weather, terrorism and neglect. We can not go about as did the previous administration just letting disasters ruin cities and turning families out of their homes because they might be a darker shade than some of us. With that in mind our clean and articulate President has put forth the following plan.

We will bring all those FEMA trailers back here to Washington DC and array them in a giant circle within the median strip of the Beltway, I 695. As you all know, trailers are tornado magnets and as such they will protect our sacred buildings and memorials from damage caused by future twisters. This operation will carry the name Cyclonic Locater or Warning Network (CLOWN).

There are added benefits to this arrangement. We will allow the homeless to reside in these trailers and park their shopping carts immediately outside. We can also recoup some of the funds expended by issuing tickets to curiosity seekers and reporters who trespass without proper permits

Some say that this will attract an unseemly element, 'Trailer Trash'. Well let me tell you that when I was a boy in Scranton Pennsylvania my family lived in a trailer. Not a fancy trailer, but a small one with only one bed and crates as chairs. Our neighbors called us 'canned hams'. We turned out okay.

Now these trailers will not last forever but with the homeless getting killed trying to traverse eight lanes of sixty mile an hour traffic pushing a over full shopping cart; projections are that the rotting trailer rate will synchronize with the dead homeless rates. In addition, though not factored into the budget are the homeless dying off from the formaldehyde out gassing of the particle board used in the interior of these trailers.

The trailers will be transported from Louisiana by the Army and Marine Corps. If you think about it, we pay the soldiers and marines whether they are shooting ragheads in Afghanistan or sitting here in some fort drinking beer. I say let's put them to work!

I want everyone of you to get behind this program with your full support. We already have some who have dismissed the program as a joke and started a lottery to guess how many illegal aliens and prostitutes will take up residence in our CLOWN facilities. These kind of things do not help.

Please, pay your taxes, cheer the Obama administration, blame the Bush regime and join the Democrat Party.

Now if you can make way, Jaquin Sloelie, my gardner needs to mow here.

Thank You, See you back on Capitol Hill.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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