In the early hours of this morning, we received a call from Spoof writer Skoob 1999 who told us that he wanted to discuss the Michael Jackson 'situation' so we somewhat reluctantly headed for the idiot's house.
Skoob, looking frail and skinny and probably addicted to painkillers and Belgian beer ushered us in and asked us to take a seat.
After getting yet another beer from the fridge, Skoob looked at us with one eye, while the other did its own thing. Which was somewhat disconcerting.
Skoob himself opened the interview:
SKOOB: Ask me about Michael Jackson. Go on, ask me.
SPOOF: Okay, what about Michael Jackson?
SKOOB: He's dead. That's what. And Mrs Skoob reckoned all along that he topped himself. Because he was in no way going to perform 50 concerts. We told you that all along. The guy was like a pin cushion. Too many drugs and too much Jesus juice. He called 'time out' because that way he'd be able to leave those kids something, as opposed to spending a hell of a lot more than he was earning.
SPOOF: Do you think his father Joe, had any bearing on events?
SKOOB: I'm sure he did. Apparently he kicked the kid so hard in the bollocks one time that it rendered him impotent. That kind of shit can never be right.
SPOOF: So what exactly is it that bugs you so much about the Jackson case?
SKOOB: Because we all knew what he really was. You don't get accused of child molestation three times without there being some foundation to these allegations. It seems suspicious to me that he sacked all his staff as the Arvizo case came to court. One day he's dancing on a limo, and then when the reality sinks in that he could be in really deep shit, he plays the sympathy card. The PJ's and the 'look at me I'm really frail and damaged' crap.
SPOOF: So you think that was all a con?
SKOOB: Course it was. The guy used to talk in this kiddie voice in public, but it was all just for effect. No guy of his age talks like a little girl. That's just ridiculous. Soft spoken my arse!
SPOOF: So you think there was more to it?
SKOOB: Fucking right. There's been reports from former Neverland employees of the placcy faced fucker performing sexual acts on young boys. But then they got fired.
SPOOF: That's a pretty serious allegation...
SKOOB: It's fucking documented. It's on the record. So fucking what if he was a Jaffa. It wouldn't have stopped him playing with the kids. He loved them so much. But in a fucking obscene way.
SPOOF: So what makes you so angry?
SKOOB: Because I'm a dad. I'm a grandad too, albeit a relatively young one. People have a responsibility where kids are concerned. And it doesn't involve pretending to be Peter fucking Pan, singing shit like 'Smooth Criminal' 'Bad'
'I'll Be There' 'Leave Me Alone' and 'Billie Bastard Jean'
We fucking know the kid was not your son. Like the others.
SPOOF: So in conclusion?
SKOOB: They've tried to portray him as some kind of saint. He wasn't. He was a fucking asshole.
Skoob1999 then went to the fridge again, clearly agitated, to get yet another can of 'Wife Beater' beer. He asked us if we'd like a cup of tea but we retreated. Because he's clearly mad.
More Skoob interviews as we get them.