Tehran, Iran -- In a move that's turned the Islamic world upside down, some old woman who claims to speak for God has issued a supposed fatwa requiring women to be treated with the same human respect afforded males.
"Today, God has spoken. Que Sera Sera," the old woman reportedly pronounced from some pompously adorned chair situated somewhere inside the Holy City of Qom.
As one can imagine, Muslim men across the Middle East, indeed the world, are livid over the situation.
"Who died and made her God anyway?" one Iranian man demanded before realizing what he'd just said. "Her -- her! Ha! No woman is worthy of even interpreting a fatwa, much less issuing one! May Allah strike her with a thousand stones!"
Indeed, sentiment similar to that is spreading like wildfire amongst men throughout Iran especially.
"If she were my wife or sister or mother, I would drag that bitch out back by her hair!" another angry, and married, Iranian man proclaimed. "My wife learned quickly -- much faster than that idiot dog of ours," the man chuckled. "I'm still trying to beat some sense into that stupid dog after 2 years!"
According to Press TV, shortly after news spread of the woman's "pioused mouthiness," Basiji forces within Iran arrested the old woman and delivered her to Evin Prison.
"God may mean a lot of things to a lot of people," Mojtaba Khamenei, son of Iran's Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khamenei, asserted during Friday prayers in Tehran. "But He does not take orders from women -- I don't care how smart they think they are."