President Obama donned a postman's uniform and cycled to the Vatican today to deliver a private letter from Teddy Kennedy to the Pope.
The letter was so private that only a few closely trusted aides and newspaper editors were informed of the contents.
It read as follows:
Dear Holy Father,
I am suffering from an incurable illness and I don't want to burn in hell. I wish to repent for all my sins. Except for the ones that could leave me open to prosecution, of course. Forgive me for all my sins. Well, do your best. And please help me to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. But not just yet, if it's alright with Him.
I have spent a long time contemplating the error of my ways. And I have come to the conclusion that I still need to flog the Irish-American-Catholic vote, even now.
Yours in repentance
Teddy Kennedy (you know, that guy related to JFK. No, not Bobby. The other one.)
PS. Can you please tip the lad who delivers this letter. I am a bit strapped for cash at present.