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Monday, 15 June 2009

Gatlinburg, Tennessee- Bennie Joe Ellis, a factory worker in Bowling Green, Kentucky, says he has become totally disillusioned about what has happened to the Great Smoky Mountains in east Tennessee.

Here's his report in the National Inquisitor:

They got a Hard Rock Cafe, Haunted House, Ripley's Believe It Or Not, Witchcraft Museum and Malls! Malls!

Balls to Malls!!

Back when me and the Missus got married and come down here to spend our honeymoon, it was a wonderful place. I mean, there was the chair lift, the throwing balls at clown faces, 300 tee shirt places, people yelling at you on the street and stopping you to try to treat you to dinner if you'll just look at some property for them and tell us what we think.

We bought three.

Back then, Dollywood didn't even exist. Instead they had something call Goldrush Junction and we rode the little train. We'd walk around for hours eating cotton candy and snow cones till we both puked our guts out of the tramway.

They don't even have bears anymore that you can buy a Pepsi for and watch him drink it. We must have bought a dozen. Nor even the Indians dancing around Hay-Yaa, Haa-Yah!! and leaving a hat on the ground so you could pitch a dime in sometimes. Now they own a casino over the mountains and watch us dancing around slot machines for luck.

Nope it's all changed. Couldn't find but two tee shirt places and one funnel cakes. We won't be back! Believe me, it's all changed!

Except for the mountains, I guess. Those things change color with leaves and stuff and look majestical, or so they tell me.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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