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Saturday, 13 June 2009

The Claymates and Glamberts flocked the stadium to see, arguably the biggest battle of The American Idol losers ever presented - mud wrestling! Yes that's right Clay Aiken, season 2 American Idol loser will attempt to take on the much larger Adam Lambert season 8 loser.

Each contestant entered from opposite ends of the stadium, slowly descending the staircase as the crowd went wild. Adam wearing a beautifully crafted Michael Berandi faux leather jacket over his giant shoulder pads/cages and a black sequined pair of bicycle shorts. Clay entered wearing only a hot pink speedo with "Claymate" embroidered across the butt.

They entered the ring, circling each other enjoying the soft squishy mud between their toes. Each thinking how good this will be for their feet. All of the sudden the crowd went silent, bounding down the stairs came Ruben Studdard and Kris Allen. Ruben shouting "We beat your asses once and we are going to do it again." However once they got to the ring he picked up poor little Kris and flung him into the ring. Much like a zookeeper would sling a raw piece of meat to two tigers.

Kris landed face first in the mud, looking up at Adam with a look that clearly said what happened to us, is our bromance gone so soon. I am not positive, but I think I saw a tear in his eye. His tighty whities looked like they may never come clean.

Adam reached to help Kris up as Clay seemed to come unglued. He jumped on Kris' back yelling "You cheatin AT&T lovin loser, Adam should have won, even if he does sing like a girl." Clay and Kris were actually quite a good match rolling, flipping and tearing at each other in the mud. It looked almost like they were frolicking, having fun. Adam just stared apparently transfixed by the sight of the two little guys in their panties.

Ruben slowly lumbered his way into the ring. He grabbed Clay and began to squeeze the crap out of him. Giving him the biggest Velvet Teddy Bear Hug you have ever seen, in a bad way. He squeezed so hard Clay's ears actually began to bleed. At the sight of the little guy in the pink speedo in such pain Adam had to do something, being the nice guy that he is. He pulled Clay out of Ruben's grasp, causing Ruben to slip, fall and land on poor little Kris. He hit his head on the corner pole on his way down and was out like a giant light.

Adam quickly fashioned his shoulder pads into giant ear muffs for Clay, stopping the bleeding. He tried to throw him over his shoulder, but he was like a slippery little pig and slid right over the top. Landing on Adam's coattails he held on for dear life, for real not metaphorically. It seemed as if they realized at the same time that THEY HAD WON!!! They were the WINNERS!! The crowd was going wild, throwing their cell phones at the limp bodies of Ruben and Kris.

Adam and Clay were last seen skipping down Hollywood Boulevard holding hands, singing We Are The Champions.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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