After a rumor spread around town, Susan Boyle was spotted by a couple of news people at a Fruitcake Factory with an armload of fruitcakes.
"I love fruitcakes", she stated with a stare and some crumbs in her chin hair. "I simply can't get enough of them since winning that fruitcake on the "Britain's Got Fruitcakes" show.
"Would you like a fruitcake? They're delicious and Mr. Cowell says I can eat all I want."
"Sorry, I've gone and belched up a maraschino cherry on you shirt front. Ohhhh that felt good. Cut a good one. Always could. 'Loud at both ends' me dear mother used to say, before they took her away. Hope no fruitcake came out back there although I feel like I got a big piece of pineapple wedged up me arse."
"I've eaten 37 fruitcakes since losing that fruitcake contest..or was it singing? Yeah, since that singing contest. I guess the conciliation prize was all the fruitcake you can eat, and BOY can I eat fruitcake!"
"I would just like to thank the good people on the BBC network for all these fine fruitcakes. These are the best since my Uncle Irving used to buy from the gypsies that used to come around regularly stealing our kids. They took one look at me one time and ran off."
"Does either of you gents want a foot massage? Mama loved her foot massaged and I can do a good job at it. It's me one talent, massaging feet."
"I wonder if I stay around all day and see where the factory sends out it's day-old fruitcakes, I could follow one..if I had a car..and could drive. I could sneak on one of the trucks!"
"SILLY ME! Cowell said I could have all I wanted here for free."
"Well, I gotta go, here come those people in white again. I'm coming. You boys remember me if you want that foot massage."