Q&A : The 2009 Euro elections
Why do I vote?
Ain't got a clue, mate, nobody knows what MEPs do or who they are
How do I vote?
Take a pencil, and write an 'X' against the candidate you want to vote for, moron
What am I voting for?
An even bigger gravy train than the one at Westminster, MEPs get paid a small fortune for doing absolutely bugger all
Who is standing for election?
All the rejects the main British parties don't want in Parliament, plus hundreds of cranks, nutters, and pathetic Nazis and Europhobes
Why should I bother voting for a lot of parasites that waste lots of my taxes in some European Parliament?
Who knows? The Europarliament can't even create laws, it's a multi-million pound - or Euro - fraud, to keep retired politicians like Neil Kinnock's noses in a huge trough
What if I spot that the EU is now run by unelected people, and the British have little say any more in even creating their own laws?
Keep quiet about it, voting for MEPs give the illusion that EU laws are created by them. They aren't
I've already voted for an MP, a local councillor, and an MSP, what the **** do I need another elected official for?
You don't, and he/she won't do anything for you once they're elected, as they can't
Are these elections the most pointless ones since Adolf Hitler held plebiscites to 'prove' his policies were democratically supported?
At least MEPs aren't holding guns to your heads to make you vote for them, but the principal's the same - you have no say in how the EU makes laws, voting just rubber stamps what the EU is going to do anyway
Sounds like the European elections are a massive waste of time and money. Are they?
Is the Pope a Nazi?
Didn't the British fight two World Wars to stop themselves being dictated to by Germany?
Yes, and now Germany and France tell the British what they can and can't do, and get money from the British to fund their own unelected European controlling body
So should I vote UKIP?
No, Britain has signed and ratified international treaties to make itself a member of the EU, and can't withdraw from it, not least for business reasons
What a farce!