President Barack Obama yesterday made the wholly symbolic political gesture of assuring Japan, Taiwan and South Korea of US defence support following North Korea's nuclear test last week.
"Should the North Koreans ever launch an all-out nuclear attack on any or all of you and wipe you off the face of the earth, let it be known right now that the United States will respond in kind!"
"I know you folks in Japan know good and well that we are not afraid to blow away whole cities."
"So if that funny-shaped headed leader of North Korea wants his ass kicked, let him fire just one nuclear missile at Tokyo...go ahead I dare you, you blockhead, just go and ahead and try it, I double-dog (Arf! Down Boy!) DARE you to flatten one city and see what happens!"
"Also, forget about joining our nuclear club! It's only for a select few and no one with a head in that shape will ever be allowed. Besides, the French blackballed everybody that ever tried since they got in here."
"So go ahead and blow big holes in the ground all you want. Just remember, North Korea could easily be one big hole in the ground by me touching this little red button here. Whoops! Bad dog! B-A-D D-O-G!"